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A.A.: Into Action: Economic Insecurity

2006-09-15T14:04:00.000-05:00

"We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 78

"The Promises" (page 83-84 of Alcoholics Anonymous) state: "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."

To put it mildly, I did not manage money very well when I was drinking. The economic insecurity I felt was of my own doing. Alcohol told me to spend and I spent with no regard for the consequences. In addition to what I spent on booze, I made poor purchasing decisions on other things I did not need. Somehow, it always seemed like I couldn't live without those things when I was buzzed and I told myself that I'd figure out how to pay for it tomorrow. I loved the power of credit cards and then they too, turned on me.

Amends sometimes means reaching into my wallet to repay a debt (even when the debt may have been long forgotten). Today, I will go without if it means that I can repay an obigation that I incurred yesterday. I will no longer live in fear.

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A.A.: Into Action: Straightening Out the Past

2006-09-14T15:01:00.000-05:00

"...we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so..."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 77

Making direct amends to people I have harmed, as Step 9 suggests, is some of the most difficult work I do in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is also some of the most rewarding. This was especially true early on in sobriety and in particular to those people whom I did not like so much.

When I was drinking, I did things that were really out of character for me. I did things I regretted and for which I was ashamed. I did mean things and dishonest things. And I never apologized to anyone... I rationalized my behavior as justified, blamed my actions on others, or simply denied my words and drowned any guilt with more alcohol. But deep down, I knew it was wrong. Deep down, I felt ashamed and unworthy. I lived in fear of the past.

Through A.A. I have owned up to those mistakes and faced the fear head-on. I have restored respect to people I have trashed and been given courage to do the next right thing. I have swept my side of the street. The past no longer has a hold on me and does not define who I am today.

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A.A.: Into Action: Willingness is Indispensable

2006-09-13T22:31:00.000-05:00

"We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haevn't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."

"Now we need more action, without which we find that 'Faith without works is dead.'"

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 76

One of the things I count as a blessing is the memory of how bad it got. Not that I want to dwell in the past, but I never want to forget. Sometimes I use those bad memories to motivate me to keep doing what I need to do each day to stay sober and live a life free from the compulsion to drink.

Just as the text suggests, willingness is key, but then comes the requirement to actually do something about it.

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A.A.: Into Action: The Passionate Pursuit of Potential

2006-09-12T14:32:00.000-05:00

"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of our past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We may begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 75

"Liberating" is the word I use most often to describe my experience with working a 5th Step. I never realized the extent to which I was hiding from the world - afraid that others would discover the fraud that I had been and worse, wouldn't accept the person I really was.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "The relentless pursuit of perfection"? It was a tagline for Lexus automobiles during the 1990's - probably coined by an alcoholic. The trap I laid for myself was setting a standard so high that there was no way that I could ever achieve it. Nothing less than perfection. My difficulties began when I perceived the outcome of my efforts (viewed by others as 'above average' to 'outstanding') as failure. For a time, I continued to strive for perfection, but after a while I felt the effort was futile. So, instead of lowering the bar, I just gave up and went to the bar. The new standard became "as little as possible."

It was no way to live and, of course, it was a downward spiral. As I became sicker and sicker, I stockpiled regret, fear, and envy. Owning up to it all and then letting it go by honestly disclosing it to God and another human being has been a huge step in my recovery. I have since felt the nearness of my Creator and have been led into a spiritual experience.

Just like me, I think the "tagmeister" at Lexus must have sobered up and dumped the garbage of the past - the company filed for a trademark of the phrase, "The passionate pursuit of potential."

I think I'm going to make that the tagline for my life. I can live up to being the best that I can be. It's not perfection, but I can look the world in the eye...

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A.A.: Into Action: Sounding Board

2006-09-11T12:27:00.000-05:00

"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."

"Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom we take this intimate and confidential step."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 74

"We're only as sick as our secrets" is one of my favorite A.A. slogans. I learned the hard way that it's best to get all our secrets, behavior, and thoughts for which we're ashamed out. If left bottled-up inside our minds, they retain control over our emotions and ability to live freely. I'm not talking about some big public announcement, but safely disclosed to a trustworthy person. It's a big part of cleaning our side of the street.

There is something liberating about confessing our prior bad acts. And, I believe that the Catholic faith presents a good model with its Sacrament of Penance. I don't claim to be an expert on Catholicism, but from my understanding, Catholics believe that a confession is more that the simple act of telling one's sins -- a confession must include sincere sorrow and a desire to make things right.

Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't explicitly state it as I've suggested, however, taken as a whole, the steps certainly imply a thorough and humbling amends.

The other point of this passage is to find someone that is trustworthy. I believe most in A.A. find a sponsor with whom to "do their fifth step."

Those who are probably not suitable include: your wife or husband, mother-in-law, your children, best friend, barber (unless he happens to be your sponsor), definitely not your old bartender, gossipy neighbor, boss, old girlfriend/boyfriend, fence post, Big Book, etc. In other words, find someone in A.A. with a few years of sobriety that you can trust (these are great qualities for a sponsor also).

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A.A.: Into Action: Decisions

2006-09-10T12:41:00.000-05:00

"More than most people the alcoholic leads a double life."

"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 73

I ran across a quote the other day by Tony Robbins that I find relevant. Tony says, "It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

As an alcoholic, I was nearly always ready to claim a decision. I decided I was going to stop drinking a thousand times. I decided that I would never drink on Sundays so that I could get up for work on Mondays. I decided that I would never drive after drinking. I decided that I would do whatever it took to control my drinking. The only problem was, it was easy for me to proclaim these things and then, privately, not follow through. I'd have good intentions to be honest, but when it came right down to it, it was easier to only tell half the story.

I never got sober by just being nearly always ready. The Big Book says, "Half measures availed us nothing." Nothing is what I got for all my readiness.

Tony has something to say about this too, "A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."

Without action, Alcoholics Anonymous is just another big book!

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A.A.: Into Action: All That "Stuff"

2006-09-09T06:54:00.000-05:00

"Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it?"

"Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 72

The title of this chapter tells it all -- Into Action. The founders of A.A. summarized the program with four central ideals: trust God, clean house, love, and service. Steps 4-9 are the "house cleaning" steps. In Step Four, we took a person inventory -- an honest and thorough review of our life and past behavior. This prepared us to take action to dump the baggage of our past. The Fifth Step in the program of recovery is, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

As on might guess this can be a very scary proposition, uncomfortable at the very least. This step was suggesting that I actually tell someone about all the "stuff" that I had held secret. I had worked hard to avoid anyone finding out about all that "stuff," let alone actually tell anyone! Of course, all that "stuff" had kept me sick for years; all that "stuff" had kept me drinking to numb the pain of those repressed feelings and guilt trying to float to the surface.

By the time I had completed my 4th Step inventory and was preparing to move to the next step, I was beginning to trust Alcoholics Anonymous, the people I had met there, and I was beginning to trust God. By admitting that I was an alcoholic, I had already broken down some of the resistance to telling someone else about my character defects. So, in a way, the 5th Step was just a continuation of that revealing. I was also reassured by the stories of others who had done the work before me. They talked about having the same fear that I was feeling and of how things worked out okay.

No one wants to admit to having hurt others or behaving badly or being different, but there really isn't anything that anyone has done that someone else hasn't also done. Most sponsors, pastors, or people who have been around A.A. for a few years have "heard it all" before. That doesn't make the behavior acceptable, but it does mean that practically no one will be so shocked and astonished so as to cause permanent damage to the person listening. So, take a deep breath, and get started!

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A.A.: How It Works: Buy a Ticket

2006-09-08T23:36:00.000-05:00

"We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 71

The good news it that God desires an individual personal relationship with each one of us. He expects us to take the initiative, but He will help if we ask.

The story goes that a fellow, desperate for money to provide for his family, prayed each day to God to let him win the lotto. After listening to his prayers for about a month, God responded to the man and said, "Meet me half-way -- buy a lottery ticket!"

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A.A.: How It Works: Full Disclosure

2006-09-07T23:03:00.000-05:00

"If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 70

This Step is where the rubber meets the road. The guiding principles are thoroughness and honesty. Everything should be put down on paper. When we've finished, we go back and put down those things that we don't want to write about (and everybody has something that doesn't make the list the first go).

We're preparing the foundaton for a better way of life. I'm reminded of an experience I had putting up new wallpaper. I first stripped off the old paper and then prepped the wall to put up the new. I thought I did a pretty good job of getting all the old paper off, but it was difficult, tedious work. The old paper had fused with the drywall and was difficult to remove.

I was anxious to get the new paper up. When I finished removing most of the old paper, there we still small areas where the paper or glue still stuck, but they were slight imperfections and I figured that the new paper would certainly cover them.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The slight bumps were magnified by the new paper and looked as though I had papered over pictures still hung on the wall. So, it is with our inventories. If we leave anything undisclosed, if will become a huge issue and occupy our minds, nagging us to take action. It's much better to get it all out the first time.

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A.A.: How It Works: Relationships

2006-09-06T06:16:00.000-05:00

"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."

"We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 69

My drinking caused problems in all my relationships; family, friends, business, and romantic. I had to review my past behavior in each of these and be willing to admit to the other person where I was wrong.

The amends I made to my family and friends were in some ways the most difficult because they were the people whom I cared about most, but they also turned out to be the most appreciative and supportative because they cared about me. Making amends to business colleagues was difficult because in many case, I felt as though I had been harmed more than the other person, but I was there to take responsibility for my part of the situation.

The challenge in making amends to old girlfriends was in insuring that my motives were honorable. I admit that I was tempted to use my new sobriety as a ploy to rekindle romantic feelings. Afterall, if the relationship's problems were due to my drinking, shouldn't the relationship pick back up since I had put a stop to the root cause? I'm not saying that this logic is flawed for everyone, but it didn't work out that way for me. Although alcohol my have stunted my emotional maturity and growth, my past girlfriends, who were not alcoholic, had healed and moved on. Sure, there may have been some nostalgia in their hearts, but no smoldering fires. Most were genuinely happy for me and some may have been sad that I hadn't found sobriety sooner, a couple just simply didn't care. But, none of them were looking to rekindle anything.

So, my advice to anyone looking to make amends to past romantic relationships is to treat the amend just like you would a business colleague. Go into it with the right motive -- take responsibility for your part and put out of your mind the wrongs of the other person. Don't have any hidden motives, desires or expectations. If anything is to rekindle, it's best to give it a good deal of time. It takes a while to rebuild trust once it's lost. At the very least, let the other person be the initiator.

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A.A.: How It Works: Letting Go of Fear

2006-09-05T13:14:00.000-05:00

"We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 68

Dr. Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., the author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, suggests that the only impediments to the life we yearn for are the limitations imposed on us by our own minds. Revealing our true selves, the essence of which is love, is a matter of releasing those limited and limiting thoughts.

To live without fear, we must stop analyzing it, stop agonizing over it, stop fighting with it, and simply . . . let it go. How? By releasing our paralyzing preoccupation with the past and our chronic apprehension over the future—which is, needless to say, easier said than done.

A.A.'s Fourth Step inventory gives me a simplistic tool to recognize, identify, and own the fears that have been keeping me from realizing my full potential. Of course, something must be done about it.

We let Him (God) demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.

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A.A.: How It Works: My Inventory

2006-09-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

"Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though the situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 67

It's easy to look for fault in other people -- that used to be my M.O. I would try to make myself feel better or more important or less intimidated by tearing down the other person. But that is such a downward spiral. The effects on my ego were short-lived and pretty soon, according to me, everything and everyone sucked. Guess what happens when you treat everything and everyone like crap? You reap what you sow.

Pretty soon the world didn't think so much of me either. My methods backfired and I copped a "me against the world" attitude. What I really wanted was to be accepted -- to be a part of something. What I chose was to be apart from everything. In that loneliness, it was easy to justify my drinking.

In recovery I can see how self-destructive I had become. I am a human being with many flaws and that's okay. But, it means that I've got enough to work on right here at home without needing to go outside of myself to take inventory of other people's issues. In A.A., I've been taught that the real way to feel better about myself is to help build up other poeple -- to help them through their tough times. I have something to offer and that's not something to brag about -- I'm there to serve with no expectations or demands. Today I am a part of something much bigger than me. I prefer it this way. What a reversal.

A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
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A.A.: How It Works: Resentments

2006-09-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness."

"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."

"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us."

"We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 66

The other day one of my colleagues at work called me on the telephone in a very confrontational and condescending manner. He had misinterpreted something he read and reacted inappropriately. Although I cleared up the misunderstanding, I stewed on it all day. I felt threatened and disrespected. I wished that I had told him off by calling him a f*&%ing blowhard and asking him who the heck he thinks he is. I thought that would have made me feel better.

Upon further reflection, I was glad I didn't. Although he was clearly in the wrong, I possibly could have avoided the whole incident by making my original communication clearer and therefore less likely to be misinterpreted. The other point to consider is that the situation ate me up all day -- I'm sure he didn't give it two minutes further consideration. And, had I pursued it further, who's to say it would have gone the way I imagined? I had allowed his actions to control my mood all day (and he never even knew that I had given him such power).

So, whom did my resentment hurt? Clearly it was me. In the past, I would have gotten even by getting drunk! How's that for rational thought?

It finally occurred to me that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools to effectively deal with this very type of situation. So, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and allowed myself to believe that he was having a really bad day. While it doesn't really excuse his behavior, it did divert it toward something other than me. I said a prayer for us both and let the anger go. I felt 100% better and the ability for us to have a positive working relationship in the future has been preserved.

This stuff works!

A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
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A.A.: How It Works: Basic Tenets

2006-09-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

"In most cases [while doing a 4th Step inventory] it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened."

"We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 65

Trust in God, Cleaning House, Love, and Service are the four basic tenets of this life-transforming program.

Our detailed self-assessment, called the 4th Step, is critical to our recovery and spiritual growth. It is the key that unlocks the barriers that stand in the way of growing closer to God who wants to have a personal relationship with us.

So, we should take our time and make certain nothing is left out. Omissions will only hurt us. It can be a painful process, but ultimately, we find it most liberating.

A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
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A.A.: How It Works: Personal Housecleaning

2006-09-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

"Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us."

"Therefore, we started on a personal inventory."

"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 64

By the time I got to the 4th Step, I had already read ahead and knew that the next step was to tell all the garbage of my life to another person -- and that terrified me. I was never one to confess my actions. My instincts were to lie, deny, and cover-up. But that was getting ahead of the process and besides, I certainly had a lot to write about. So, I took the challenge and began to list everyone I ever hurt and everyone I resented. I detailed all the things I had done for which I was ashamed.

It took me several days, but I got it all down. I tried my best to be honest and thorough. If I had held on to any doubt prior to this Step, it was then abundantly clear that alcohol had taken control of my life. I felt regret over the pain that I had caused so many people and at the same time I was happier than I had been in a long time. The process gave me hope that I would finally deal with the secrets that had kept me drinking for years.

It's a good idea to have a sponsor or, at least, a good 4th Step guide to help lay out a plan to take personal inventory, especially the first time.

A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
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A.A.: How It Works: 3rd Step Prayer

2006-08-31T09:41:00.000-05:00

"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 63

To say that letting go is counter-intuitive is to put it mildly. But, after thoughtful self-examination, I realized that what I was trying to hold on to wasn't that important. Clinging to my ideas had resulted in broken relationships, lost jobs, poor health, loneliness, and despair.

I was like a misguided Don Quixote fighting an imaginary foe that, in reality, was myself. I was defeated -- a casualty of war in the struggle to impose my will. I was left for dead and yet, I remained indignant lying on the barren battlefield defiantly humming the tune to Frank Sinatra's "My Way." What a loser!

In surrender, there is victory! Humbly asking God to manage my life was only the beginning, but the battle had ended. May the reconstruction continue.

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A.A.: How It Works: Self-will Run Riot

2006-08-30T08:19:00.000-05:00

"Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles."

"Our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, thought he ususally doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How it Works
Page 62

Looking back it's easy to see how I was my own worst enemy. Being honest, I can see that nearly every bad memory and regrettable event in my life was of my own doing and usually associated with drinking. I sabotaged my own happiness and success. I was living by a self-centered code that wasn't working. Being in the middle of it, I just couldn't (or wouldn't) see it. It was like being in quicksand, the harder I struggled, the deeper I sank.

Today, I take responsibility for my actions and I have righted the wrongs of my past where possible. I have stopped fighting myself and turned my will over to my Higher Power.

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A.A.: How It Works: Self

2006-08-29T23:15:00.000-05:00

"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success."

"Most people try to live by self-propulsion."

"... a self-seeker even when trying to be kind. Is he not a victum of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?"

Alcoholics Anonymous
How it Works
Page 61

What's so difficult about this Alcoholics Anonymous program? Only that I had to change my entire approach to life. I grew up believing that self-will, self-determination, and even self-help were the keys to success. When I didn't measure up to my self-image I concluded that I had not applied myself hard enough or that I had let external influences distract me from my goals.

In this regard, I don't see myself as being all that different from most people. But for me, this character defect combined with unrealistic expectations and my compulsive need to control my life, resulted in gut-wrenching pain and fear. I resorted to alcohol to cope with the frustration and failing to manage and live up to unobtainable goals.

So, one of the more difficult aspects of AA is re-learning how to live in a manner that includes self-sacrifice, service to others, and seeking God's will. This is a continual work-in-progress. I have by no means perfected this -- progress is my new objective.

Ironically, I have attained more relative "success" against my old values now that those things have taken a back seat.

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A.A.: How It Works: Alcohol(ISM)

2006-08-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

"The principles we have set down are guides to progress."

"... three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought."

Alcoholics Anonymous

How it Works
Page 60

When I first admitted that I thought I might have a drinking problem, it was a step in the right direction -- not quite the same as AA's First Step, but it was progress. My admission was tentative and filled with conniving for an easy solution. I hadn't yet accepted that alcohol had beaten me -- only that it threw some pretty good punches.

I honestly don't remember exactly how, but one of the consequences of my admission was that I received some information about Alcoholics Anonymous. I read it and thought that I surely better straighten up or else I might end up like those folks. I wasn't ready to accept that I was an alcoholic and that my life was out of control. I wasn't ready to accept the help that the program offered. I was too afraid to admit I needed it and too proud to admit that I wanted it.

I continued to drink, knowing that I had a problem and continued to amass guilt and shame. Until finally, I couldn't take the pain -- I hit rock bottom. I felt like a worthless human being, a complete failure, like I'd let down, disgraced, and disgusted everyone that had ever cared about me -- I didn't even resent them any more. I just didn't care. At that point, my will was broken. I was defeated, powerless. And I was open to the idea of living differently. I was willing to be a passenger and let someone else do the driving.

And so, for me, without even realizing it at the time, I had taken the first Step of Alcoholics Anonymous. By God's Grace, perhaps prepared by my prior exposure to the 12-Steps, I intuitively knew what to do next. I picked up the phone and called a friend who introduced me to the AA program.

Because of the miracles that God, through AA, has worked in my life, I don't still have those feelings of helplessness and desperation. That is exactly why it is important for me to remember them and accept my alcoholism on a daily basis. Remember, it's alcohol(ISM), not alcohol(WASM).

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A.A.: How It Works: 12 Steps

2006-08-27T12:30:00.000-05:00

"Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked for His protection and care with complete abandon."

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 59

You may hear me say a time or two that this is a program of action. Notice that the instructions don't read, "You'll get half the benefit with only half the effort." Instead, it says, "Half measures availed us nothing." There is no partial credit -- it's an all or nothing proposition.

And really, when we honestly think about it, didn't we try half-hearted attempts time and time again -- and they never worked? So, why would we expect any different? Because we want easy, that's why. Remember, it's "simple, but not easy!"

We admit we have a problem; we accept the problem; and we take action!

"We came. We came to. We came to believe." It is a slow, gentle lifelong program of progress, learning to live life on life's terms one day at a time.

Steps:
1-3 Acceptance Steps
4-9 Action Steps -- (4-prepare/5-execute, 6-prepare/7-execute, 8-prepare/9-execute)
10-12 Maintenance Steps

www.sponsornet.com/12steps.html

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A.A.: How It Works: Hope and Humility

2006-08-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps."

"...the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

"Remember that we deal with alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful!"

Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 58

If you truly want out of the misery, as I did, and are totally willing to try a new approach (one in which we can no longer try to maintain control), then there is hope for us and a program that really works. We must fully humble (not humiliate) ourselves and surrender our way of doing things. If we don't, it won't work.

We're warned that we have a disease that doesn't want us to get better.

www.sponsornet.com/12steps.html

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A.A.: We Agnostics: He is and He can

2006-08-25T21:52:00.000-05:00

"He has come to all who have honestly sought Him. When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!"

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 57

Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves.

There is a God -- and I'm not Him.

God answers "knee mails."

If God seems far away, who moved?

I can't... He can... I think I'll let him.

www.sponsornet.com/AASlogans.html

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Conscious Companionship

2006-08-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

"For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 56

For some, the presence and Power of God comes like a lightening bolt. For others, the realization of their Higher Power develops more slowly. For me, it was like a new focus. I always knew God was there, but I did not pursue a relationship or His will. Through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I came to embrace the fact that God desires a close personal relationship with us all -- but we have to meet Him at least half way.

I came with certain spiritual beliefs and was offered a way of living rich with spiritual experiences -- I am forever grateful.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Came to Believe

2006-08-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

"... deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself."

"... sweep away prejudice, ... think honestly, ... search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With this attitude you cannot fail."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 55

When I was drinking, I did not choose to search diligently for a Higher Power. I worshiped alcohol and on Sunday mornings I prayed to the porcelain shrine. When the pain of living in self-imposed ignorance became too great, I allowed myself to consider another way. I experienced a moment of clarity and was able to see that if I didn't radically change my life, I would die. I surrendered my will and worked to replace what had been a repressed belief with active faith. My relationship with God is still a personal matter, but it is a daily conscious activity.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Childlike Faith

2006-08-22T20:57:00.000-05:00

"Imagine life without faith! Were nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn't be life."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 54

We have never personally proven many of the physical laws that we take for granted each and every day. And yet, we hold them up as justification for our actions. As small children, before we even knew that there were the laws of science to support the way the world worked, we simply had faith that it would work the next time the same way it did the last or the same way that we observed that it worked for others.

As adults, we tend to overthink things. When it comes to faith in a Higher Power, we may balk and try to hide behind the lack of a scientific law or other proof. In recovery, we sometimes need to take a step back to take two forward. We need to step back into our childlike acceptance of the way the world works -- the world governed by the will of a Higher Power.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: It's Logical

2006-08-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

"Logic is great stuff. We liked it. We still like it."

"...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't."

"Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 53

I can remember when I was younger and contemplating life, I applied my best logic to understand from where 'it' all came. Either because of or in spite of the fact that I could not prove any hypothesis by this method, I concluded that "God is."

However, I understand that some, perhaps many, have difficulty accepting something that cannot be scientifically proven. And yet, these same people place faith in laws that are based solely on observation. So, it is not an issue of having faith, but merely in what our faith is placed.

Digging deeper, I found that it was really a perceived need for control. Control over my environment, my behavior, my attitudes, my drinking, etc. Ultimately, it came down to the question of how well living by self-control was working (and it wasn't). I had to turn the control over to a Power greater than myself. It was the only logical thing to do!

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A.A.: We Agnostics: The Bedevilments

2006-08-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people..."

"Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 52

The humiliating result of my best efforts is summarized by "the bedevilments," as quoted above.

Compare this to my life today made possible by pursuing God's will -- summarized by "the promises," pages 83-84:

"We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the work serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

Let go and let God.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Believe that Others Believe

2006-08-19T22:46:00.000-05:00

"When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 51

This entire chapter is dedicated to those who come to AA and find a glimmer of hope, but do not pronounce a much faith. To be sure, my faith has grown over time. One does not have to a strong faith to initiate them with AA, but it does help to have an open mind.

You will hear miraculous stories of change and spiritual healing. Although you may not have a relationship with a Higher Power, you should allow yourself to see and believe the transformation and personal growth that others proclaim.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Look at the Record

2006-08-18T22:04:00.000-05:00

"We looked at the human defects of these people, and sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale condemnation. We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 50

I can remember rationalizing my immoral behavior and general slide in that direction by looking at others who claimed to be spiritual or God loving and finding fault in their actions. I'd look for hypocrisy, even when there really wasn't any. I would think thoughts such as, "Well so-and-so is a church goer and I saw him drinking last weekend or that person is such a Sunday-only Christian -- come Monday morning he's a real SOB."

By looking at the chinks in their armor, I didn't have to look at myself and when I did it was easier to tell myself that that I was better than they because I didn't pretend to be something I wasn't. I told people, "What you see is what you get." Of course, that couldn't have been further from the truth. In true alcoholic form, I was very much the actor leading a double life.

I used a lot of excuses to turn my back and distance myself from my Higher Power. However, the real point is that when I had hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to turn, I did an about face and looked to God for help. That change in attitude was the beginning of a new way of living and thinking. Miraculously, in the face of complete failure, I found peace and the courage to take the next step which has led to my recovery and current happiness. If you're at a point of despair, you can find the same hope as I did and millions of others have. It all begins with asking your Higher Power for help.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Logical Faith

2006-08-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

"People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 49

When I was drinking, I would often have philosophical and existential debates in my head. Partly it was an escape from the harsh reality of the way I was choosing to live my life and partly it was simple immature thinking. I didn't have a clue about anything and yet, I thought I had all the answers.

One of the greatest gifts of my sobriety has been a closer relationship with God that continues to grow. I had spiritual beliefs prior to AA, but now I have begun to have a spiritual experience.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: A State of Reasonableness

2006-08-16T22:05:00.000-05:00

"Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other matters. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 48

Pain is a great motivator. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I met some people who had found a way off the merry-go-round and they were happy. I wanted what they had and was willing to do whatever it took -- even if it was uncomfortable. I knew something had to change and I finally became willing to accept that it was me that needed to change.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Omnipotent Power

2006-08-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

"We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself? As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 47

For me, the problem wasn't in believing that there was a Power greater than myself. I fully conceded that there was a God that created the heavens and the earth. And I believed that God has a master plan for his creation. I just didn't believe that I was part of that plan.

On the surface, I wanted you to think of me as being humble (not worthy of God's attention), but it was really the opposite. How much more arrogant could I be than to believe that I could call the shots and somehow have an existence so unique as to be apart from the rest of God's plan? So, although I wasn't agnostic in the strictest definition of the term, my arrogance was a denial of God's true power and a barrior to establishing any kind of faith-based relationship with Him.

I had to come to accept that there is a Power greater than myself as it pertains to me and my life, not just others and events external to me. It may not be an issue for some, but for me, it was vitally important.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: My own conception

2006-08-14T11:03:00.000-05:00

"Much to our relief, we discovered that we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 46

So how do those who struggle with the concept of a Higher Power make progress in AA? Unlike religion, Alcoholics Anonymous does not ask anyone to buy into a prescribed organizational definition or understanding of a Higher Power (Creative Intelligence, Spirit of the Universe, Mother Nature, God). That is left up to the individual.

Although we may not have had any understanding of what it was, many of us could recall the feeling of awe we got staring up at a star filled sky or snow capped mountains and knowing that something powerful indeed had created us and the universe in which we lived. And that was enough. All we are asked to acknowledge is that, in the universe of possibility, there is something larger, more powerful than ourselves.

AA believes that an individual's relationship with their Higher Power is just that, an individual relationship. The program does suggest, however, that to stay sober, its members develop a stronger relationship and better understanding over time. Spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Give it a try

2006-08-13T09:56:00.000-05:00

"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?"

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 45

Probably the single biggest factor that keeps people away from AA is that it is a spiritual program. It is hard enough for most alcoholics to admit that they need help. Most of us have always handled our problems ourselves and saw asking for help as a sign of weakness. But then to suggest that the solution is in some intangible Higher Power is a pill too difficult for many to swallow.

Some people have been turned-off to religion by hypocrisy in their local church. Other's lives have been so painful that they've just lost all hope and faith in a benevolent God. Still others have a need to intellectualize the existence of a Higher Power and can't do so, which leaves them without faith. And some just don't feel good enough about themselves to believe that God would concern Himself with their self-perceived insignificant lives.

The point is that there are all sorts of agnostics and non-believers that have turned to Alcoholics Anonymous (many as a last resort) and have found a solution. For many the higher power they used was simply the people they meet or the program itself. They were able to see (tangible proof) that others had been helped and that gave them hope. There is no requirement that one has a spiritual belief to try AA. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

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A.A.: We Agnostics: Stay for the Second Act

2006-08-12T11:17:00.000-05:00

"After a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spirtual basis of life -- or else."

"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 44

When I first came to AA, it was not to find a "spiritual basis of life." I came because I could not control my drinking and when I drank I couldn't control how much I would drink. I came because the lack of control over my drinking was causing unmanageable problems in my life.

At first it was just comforting to find other people who understood what I was going through. Then, it was enough to listen to them talk about their struggles and the solution they had found in AA. Some time later, I realized that none of these poeple took personal credit for getting their lives back on track. They gave credit to their Higher Power. They were sober and they were happy. Neither of which had I been in years. I wanted to live life like they were.

What I found was that when I took the drink away, I still had some pretty big issues and bad habits. Because I had always dealt with my problems by drinking, I didn't know how to deal with those remaining issues. AA has a spiritual toolbox to help me deal with life's problems.

The point is that I may not have been attracted to a "spirtual program." Afterall, I thought I was fully capable of taking care of myself. I was looking for a few expert pointers on how to get a handle on my drinking. I got that and so much more. Today, a simple non-drinking program is not sufficient. I keep coming back to AA for the life lessons and the spiritual connection.

Coming to AA with my drinking problem was absolutely the right move -- it wasn't the cure I had expected -- and I couldn't be happier.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Spiritual Solution

2006-08-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. His defense must come from a Higher Power."

"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 43

I opened myself to the principles and program of AA in hopes of finding a solution to my drinking problem. I was willing to try a different approach, a spiritual approach, even though I was cautious. I initially just put a toe in the water, afraid that I was getting involved with a bunch of kooks. I found pretty normal people. No one tried to force feed me anything. The only suggestion offered was that I stop relying on myself and try (just try) to look to elsewhere for answers.

At first, I found that I was able to stay sober by just hanging around other people who also used to have drinking problems. It felt good to go to meetings and hear others share how they had struggled and then found relief by working the 12 Steps. For the first time, I knew that there were people who understood me and the difficulties that I was going through. I wasn't alone.

For me, the simple willingness to try was the beginning of a new way of facing all my problems. Faith is like a muscle -- it strengthens with exercise. I don't claim to be perfect -- I really don't want to be. I do, however, enjoy working on myself, making progress, and being of some service to others. But, "First Things First." If you have a drinking problem and don't know what to do about it, post a comment, or call a local AA group (you can find numbers Online @ www.sponsornet.com/resources.html or http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/a/blaa.htm.

All the best...

Bill B.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Will Power No More

2006-08-10T23:12:00.000-05:00

"I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 42

Will power and self-knowledge these things have to be smashed. Admitting defeat was hard. I had always been able to work through my problems by myself. Maybe I'd ask for advice from time-to-time, but if it was to be, it was up to me. I was taught that I could do anything if I only put my mind to it. And so I tired with my drinking problem. But, I failed.

And as hard as it was to admit defeat, that was nothing compared to asking for help. There's a lyrick from a popular song of the 60's (Sinatra or Streisand, I'm not certain) to goes, "People who need people are the luckiest poeple in the world." I always thought that song was a crock! How could being needy make you lucky?

I learned how humbling and healing it is to ask for help.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: A Perfect Day

2006-08-09T22:48:00.000-05:00

"It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon."

"... the thought came to mind that it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner. That was all. Nothing more. I ordered a cocktail and my meal. Then I ordered another cocktail."

"... it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning."

"Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 41

This story sends a chill down my spine. It reminds me all too well of those times when I had been "on the wagon" and everything was going well. As with the fellow in the story, I knew I couldn't drink "successfully" and I had quit for a while on my own. Then I'd have a memory or grandiose thought of some reckless and carefree event where drinking made everything perfect.

Of course I knew better, but this mental image was so vivid that I never consulted my honest recall or rational thinking. I just blindly followed the seduction of immediate gratification and pleasure conjured up by this dream. Once I took the first drink, it was all over. Just one sip and I couldn't stop. It didn't matter that I had worked so hard to impose my will power and the result was generally positive. I didn't even consider that I had been warned that if I didn't stop I would lose my job or my family or my freedom.

"Remember that we deal with alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power -- that One is God. May you find Him now!" Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 58-59.

I have witnessed God's grace and mercy at work in my life and I am grateful. Today, because I work the steps, the seductive mental images are less frequent and less powerful. But, they do still occur -- it might be hearing an old song or beer commercial on the radio or passing by an old building or seeing a friend that I hadn't seen in a while or just watching a white puffy cloud move across a blue sky. So, I have to be ready. Staying active in Alcoholics Anonymous keeps me on my toes -- not in a fearful, defensive way, but head on. I can't imagine a better way to live -- as God intended.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Confidence

2006-08-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

"I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again."

"I was confident that it would not happen to me after what I had learned. I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, and that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 40

Just because I know how devastating and therefore extremely foolish drinking would be for me, I don't try to fool myself into a false sense of security by believing that I could never drink again because of that knowledge. I must always be on guard.

To keep me from minimizing or romanticizing drinking, if I were ever tempted to drink, I can use the tool of thinking it through to see the certain negative consequences of such an act. However, I know I'll always have another drunk in me -- but, I may not have another recovery in me.

Self-confidence is not necessarily the opposite of humility, but self-confidence, and its cousin "terminal uniqueness," have taken down more alcoholics than any other character traits. My confidence that I could find a way to control my drinking kept me drunk for years. My terminal uniqueness that I wasn't an alcoholic (I'm not that bad, I just have a few personal problems that I'm working through...) kept me from seeking help from the very people who ultimately knew how to help.

Today my confidence is placed with God's will and power, not my will power -- it's just working out a whole lot better that way. Give it a chance, you'll be glad you did.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Discovery

2006-08-07T17:34:00.000-05:00

"... absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge."

"For a few days he was depressed about his condition. He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so..."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 39

Many of us felt that it was enough to figure it out. If we could just understand our weakness, then we could do something about it -- or so we thought. It never occurred to us that perhaps we could not do so.

After trying every way I could think of to quit drinking, I gave up trying to do it myself and found myself admitted to an alcohol treatment center. At the time, I didn't really think that they would be able to teach me anything about myself that I didn't already know, but I figured it couldn't hurt either (plus it was a way to get my parents off my back for a while).

I really did want a solution for my drinking problem, so I went to treatment looking for a cure. What I found was a lot of great information about my disease, but no cure. I was given tools to deal with the guilt that I'd built up over the years and I was relieved of my shame by learning that I had a recognized disease, not a weak moral character. The cure was left for me to find in the form of a daily reprieve from my chronic illness if I am willing to do the work as outlined in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I wholeheartedly support good 12-Step based inpatient/outpatient alcohol and drug rehabilitation as an excellent foundation for recovery. But, treatment is "discovery" not "recovery." Recovery comes one day at a time as we journey through life and use the tools that we have been given.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Insanity

2006-08-06T14:45:00.000-05:00

"However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 38

The length I went to protect my drinking was insane. Even though I knew that I shouldn't be drinking, I felt I had to. I didn't want anyone suggesting that I should cut back or to try to stop me. So, toward the end of my drinking, I became a closet drinker -- drinking alone and drinking in secret (and, yes, I even literally drank in the closet). I spent great energy trying to prevent other people from knowing how much I drank. Although I bought liquor nearly every day, I would never buy it from the same store two days in a row.

I often bought it from the grocery store and would buy several other food items that I had no intention of eating along with the booze, just to make it look like I didn't come to buy just the alcohol. When markets' point-of-sale technology advanced and sales receipts printed item descriptions along with their price, I made it a practice to throw the slips away as I exited the store so that there would be no evidence later found in my pants pocket.

All the while, as I was practicing this bizarre behavior, I kept promising myself that I would slow it down. I'd promise myself that after this next promotion or next birthday or next whatever, that I'd stop drinking. I failed every test. Again borrowing from Einstein, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I can totally relate to the tale of the jay-walker described in the Big Book. I was run over by a "trolley" several times and each time promised that I'd never do that again. I'd then agree that it was insane behavior and yet, in no time, I would be right back at it.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Keep it Fresh

2006-08-05T23:49:00.000-05:00

"Whatever that precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity."

"... there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 37

Alcoholism is patient... I've heard it said at meetings that "my 'forgeter' works much better than my 'rememberer'." Alcoholism is constantly trying to erase bad memories associated with drinking from my memory and block the pain from my current thinking. If it's successful, it can then pervert a happy memory into creating nearly any justification for taking a drink. I use the tools of reading the Big Book, going to meetings, talking with other alcoholics (and blogging) as ways to keep my memories fresh.

With a clear head, it is baffling to understand how I could have ever let such a small thing (like a rainy day or a sunny day, feeling good or feeling sad, heavy traffic or open highways, etc., etc.) put my entire life at risk.

And it only takes one drink, the first drink, to set off a powerful compulsion within me to keep drinking.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Honest Intentions

2006-08-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

"On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich."

"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach."

"He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!"

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 36

I look at the above story about Jim as being about a person who is in serious denial. The set-up for the story is that Jim is well aware that he is an alcoholic. First he lies to himself by saying that he has no intention to drink. He then convinces himself that a bar is a good place to go get a sandwich. Next he tells himself that "suddenly" he has the idea that whiskey would go well with milk and that it can't "hurt" him on a full stomach.

I believe what's really going on here is that Jim has deluded himself into believing that "self-knowledge" alone will keep him from drinking too much. The argument goes something like, "Now that I know I'm an alcoholic and that I can't handle my liquor, I need to be extra careful to not drink too much." Hoooey!

I don't believe that Jim had "no intention to drink." He didn't just "suddenly" have this tempting thought. I think he had been planning to drink for several months and had even picked this out of the way "restaurant with a bar" as the place where he was going to put his plan in motion. It was so easy to rationalize such blatantly lame thinking like, "whiskey in milk won't hurt," because he had already made the decision, but he needed something to assuage his conscience.

Jim had self-knowledge, but had not totally accepted that he was an alcoholic. Acceptance (at the gut level) is critical. After that, it's simply a matter applying a few easy concepts, like "stay out of bars!"

Today, my sobriety is too important to try to challenge, test or tempt it. People, places and things from the past can be triggers for relapse. I believe that it is my responsibility to know what those are and to avoid them. Self-knowledge is good, but only as a step to self-acceptance.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: The First Drink

2006-08-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

"... obviously this is the crux of the problem."

"... the desperate experiment of the first drink."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 35

One drink is too many, but twenty is not enough.

To expand upon this Big Book quote, I offer an excerpt from other AA literature, Living Sober.

"Many of us, when we first began to drink, never wanted or took more than one or two drinks. But as time went on, we increased the number. Then, in later years, we found ourselves drinking more and more, some of us getting and staying very drunk. Maybe our condition didn't always show in our speech or our gait, but by this time we were never actually sober.

If that bothered us too much, we would cut down, or try to limit ourselves to one or two, or switch from hard liquor to beer or wine. At least, we tried to limit the amount, so we would not get too disastrously tight. Or we tried to hide how much we drank.

But all these measures got more and more difficult. Occasionally, we even went on the wagon, and did not drink at all for a while.

Eventually, we would go back to drinking -- just one drink. And since that apparently did no serious damage, we felt it was safe to have another. Maybe that was all we took on that occasion, and it was a great relief to find we could take just one or two, then stop. Some of us did that many times.

But the experience proved to be a snare. It persuaded us that we could drink safely. And then there would come the occasion (some special celebration, a personal loss, or no particular event at all) when two or three made us feel fine, so we thought one or two more could not hurt. And with absolutely no intention of doing so, we found ourselves again drinking too much. We were right back where we had been -- overdrinking without really wanting to.

Such repeated experiences have forced us to this logically inescapable conclusion: If we do not take the first drink, we never get drunk. Therefore, instead of planning never to get drunk, or trying to limit the number of drinks or the amount of alcohol, we have learned to concentrate on avoiding only one drink; the first one."

Living Sober
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Pages 4-5

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Surrender to Win

2006-08-02T22:14:00.000-05:00

"Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it -- this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 34

The problem with just wanting to quit, even with great motivation to do so -- doctor's warning, threat of divorce, parole condition, fear of the loss of children, threat of job termination, etc.) -- is that it's still all about me. "I want to quit because I don't want the bad stuff." "I can keep these things from happening to me, if I just quit." "I just need to make up my mind, once and for all, to quit." "I can do this if I really try." Sound familiar?

Yes it's true that one has to want to quit... and I really did want to quit. But it wasn't until I accepted that I couldn't do anything about my drinking that I learned how to quit. Nothing I tried worked. I was out of options -- powerless!

I wanted to quit drinking and I knew it was possible to live sober, but I knew that there was nothing that I could do about it. So, I gave up trying to quit and instead followed the advice of a friend who had been through what I was going through and seemed to have found the key. He explained how he had applied the first three steps of Alcohlics Anonymous in his life and he gave me the opportunity to do the same.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Surrender to win!

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Look For the Similarities

2006-08-01T23:00:00.000-05:00

"To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 33

My personal experience with the progression of the disease ended with feeding serious bodily cravings with large quantities of alcohol over long periods of time and suffering harsh physical withdrawal if I went without. However, from meeting several hundred other alcoholics of all varieties through Alcoholics Anonymous, I have observed in others, that drank much smaller quantities and much less frequently, the same feelings of desperation and hopelessness that I felt toward the end of my binge episodes.

To be sure, the physical cravings and withdrawal are painful, but there is also much pain between our ears. The psychological aspect of addiction, which brings dread and hopelessness, begins to manifest early in the alcoholic progression.

I'd like to think that it's because of the positive word of hope being spread by alcohlics carrying the message that has resulted in a greater number of "low bottom" drunks seeking help. But the reason doesn't really matter. What's important is that we recognize that AA can help all who want help if they have the capacity to be honest. If I am honest, I admit that I could have gone much lower than the pain it took me to accept help, but I'm grateful that I didn't. Why would I then be skeptical of others who also did not have to hit "rock" bottom?

Look for the similarities -- not the differences.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Once a Pickle - Always a Pickle

2006-07-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

"Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has -- that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 32

By the time I was in college, I was a full blown alcoholic. I was a functioning drunk, able to go to class, get decent grades, maintain relationships and the such, but I was hooked. Of course, the signs were more obvious to those around me than to myself. I kept looking for the comparisons that "proved" I was still in control. One such "test" came in the form of a bet.

My fraternity brothers (who were genuinely concerned for my health and wellbeing) challenged me that I could not go one whole month without a drink. I took the bet and for 30 days laid-off alcohol, "proving" that I didn't have a drinking problem and was in total control. (A few interesting insights that should have meant more to me at the time, included: a) many of the guys didn't believe that I actually remained abstinent -- they assumed that I was secretly drinking at night or away from others; b) my studies dramatically improved during that month period; and c) I got totally smashed on day 31.)

Fast forward a few years and I was presented with another trick of the mind. After spending my 27th birthday in a treatment center and fully conceding that I was an alcoholic, I got involved in AA and worked the Steps -- I remained sober for three years. My life got better and somewhere in the middle of that third year I was convinced that I no longer needed the program to stay sober. Somewhere toward the end of that third year I convinced myself that I knew how to get sober if I needed to, but that my abstinence "proved" that I wasn't really an alcohlic -- I previously just had a lot of problems which caused me to drink.

I got totally smashed to celebrate my "freedom" -- and stayed smashed on and off for nearly ten more years. By God's grace, I humbly found my way back to AA and no longer want to "test" my sobriety or control over alcohol. Neither 30 days nor 3 years is proof of anything -- once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never be a cucumber again.

How many sober heartbeats do you have? click here

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Astonishing Delusion

2006-07-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

"By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic."

"Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums..."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 31

Alcoholics become almost as addicted to the act of drinking as they are to the drink itself. I used to spend nearly the entire day either drinking or thinking about drinking or thinking about the consequences of drinking.

My efforts to control my drinking included: drinking beer only (didn't last long because beer lost its taste for me and made me too bloated -- 12-18 at a time will do that); buying smaller quantities -- only a six-pack or pint (was risky because it meant that I'd be out later driving with a buzz for the second "run"); drinking only on the weekends (my weekends then began on Wednesdays); eating food when I drank (I really began to put on the pounds); not drinking around other people (I stayed up late and drank by myself); moving (geographical cure to get a "fresh start" -- my problems followed me); getting a new job (the new boss was just as big a s.o.b. as the last); and quitting for a month to prove I wasn't an alcoholic (one of the worst ideas I ever came up with... even though, in the first week of the following month, I more than made up for what I didn't drink, I only saw that I could quit if I wanted to -- what a delusion).

I am grateful that my days today are not consumed with the constant thought of drinking. I have found a bit of serenity and lead a much more productive life without alcohol.

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A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Astonishing Illusion

2006-07-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 30

Wow! This hit me like a 2x4 in the face. As I read the Big Book, I was convicted right there in print. Of course I didn't want to be different than other people -- I wanted to be social and fit in. It only made sense that I wouldn't want to admit to being an alcoholic, that was different. But that was only part of the story. I didn't want to be an alcoholic.

I wanted to be an exceptional social drinker. I romanticized drinking -- it was part of my persona. I was not an alcoholic -- I was James Bond (shaken, not stirred) and Dirty Harry (with a flask under my car seat). I was both Hugh Hefner and the big man on campus who won all the "chug-a-lug's.

What should have been obvious never occured to me. I was pursuing an illusion. Not only was my goal a mirage, but I could never run fast enough to reach it, even if it were real. I wish I could say that I just woke up one day and saw the lie that I was living, but the reality is that it wasn't until the pain became unbearable that I took any action.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Pass it on!

2006-07-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

"Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 29

Rigorous honesty -- it was a new concept to me. I had spent so many years twisting the truth to cover-up my drinking that I began to lie about practically everything. I was about as far away from "fully disclosing " myself as you could get. I didn't want any one to see the real me. Through A.A., I learned that to free myself, I needed to let others in. I was not judged only accepted. And after a while, I even learned to forgive myself.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

And so it is with this blog. I invite your comments and stories. Pass it on.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: A Design for Living

2006-07-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

"... 'a design for living' that really works."

"We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired."

"Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies."

"We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 28

Alcoholics Anonymous is simply not a religious program. It is, however, a faith-based program. But, it does not tell (or require) anyone to find or practice faith in any particular manner. It merely asks us to be open to the idea that the solution to our drinking problems rests with a Power greater than ourselves.

After years of failed attempts of trying to cut back or control my drinking and the desparation of living that way, it was only through being open to the idea that, if there was a solution, it might not be through my own efforts -- it might be something better or different than my own abilities. That simple notion was the spark of faith that ignited my recovery.

Once I became willing to look outside myself for answers, I found plenty of people who were not only ready to help, but they seemed to know how to. These people were just like me, but they didn't drink any more. They understood my fears and what I was going through. They did not judge or even pry. They accepted me for me and offered an alternative approach -- a design for living that has made all the difference.

You don't have to believe in God or a Higher Power, it's a start to just believe that I do.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Contempt Prior to Investigation

2006-07-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

"Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 27

I must admit that when I first read these words, I didn't really get it. I believed in God, but spiritual help, a spiritual experience - how was I to get those? I was like the man in the Big Book story who was so hopeless that his doctor told him he should put himself under house arrest to guard against his drinking, or die, unless he had a "necessary vital spiritual experience." He was encouraged because he regularly attended church and thought that was his ticket. However, his thinking was shot down when his doctor informed him that simply going to church wasn't going to cut it. So what was he to do?

Because this story, which was meant to be an example of one man's experience, was interpreted by many alcohlics to mean that they too were required to have a "burning bush" spirtual experience in order to achieve sobriety, the authors of Alcoholics Anonymous later added "Appendix II - Spiritual Experience" to clarify their intended meaning.

My experience has been more like what is referred to in the appendix as an "educational variety," which has developed slowly over time. I can relate to the A.A. claim that, "With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves."

For me, a growing awareness of God's presence is the essence of my spiritual experience. But it has been only in hindsight that I have been able to see this change. It really comes down to an attitude of willingness and open mindedness. I was incapable of making a dramatic transformation when I first came to A.A., but because I was open to new ideas and willing to try new ways, I can now look back and see the growth that has occurred.

"We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable."

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance--that principle is contempt prior to investigation." --HERBERT SPENCER

Alcoholics Anonymous
Appendix II
Page 540

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Expect a Miracle

2006-07-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

"... accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 26

For many, including me at the time, turning to God for a solution was not an intuitive response -- maybe it wasn't meant to be. My instincts told me to solve my problem with intelligence and perseverance -- put my mind to it and stick with it. But that wasn't working. So, it was only out of desparation with a deliberate and voluntary act of humility that I turned to God and asked for help. Although I honestly wanted His help, I wasn't expecting any miracles. In fact, I wasn't expecting much, but figured that it couldn't hurt. And yet, a miracle is what I got.

God has done for me what I could not do for myself. I have felt His presence and He has removed from me the compulsion to drink. That was been the beginning of a whole new relationship for me. I don't have a hotline to God, but I am inclined to ask for direction and listen for His wisdom and act accordingly. It's a journey that rewards progress.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: H.O.W.

2006-07-24T14:43:00.000-05:00

"There is a solution."

"... we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 25

Alcoholism is an illness for which there is a spiritual cure. Here's H.O.W. it works:

Honesty -
After years of suffering the consequences of my drinking and a thousand failed attempts at slowing down or quitting, I finally got honest with myself. I was different from other people -- I could not control my drinking.

Openmindedness -
Accepting that I had a problem allowed me to find others who admitted to the same problem. It was a relief to my fear of uncertainty and not knowing what was to become of me. Seeing that they had found a solution gave me hope. I was curious to know what these people had found. I knew that nothing I tried had worked and was open new ideas.

Willingness -
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Although I didn't know if their way would work for me, I could see that it worked for them and I was willing to try.

Begining honest with myself plus the willingness to be open to a new idea and give it a try was all that was required. I was on my way to a new life.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Personal Responsibility

2006-07-23T15:24:00.000-05:00

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

Alcoholics Anonymous

There is a Solution
Page 24

I know that if I didn't have personal first-hand experience with this loss of control, I might be a bit skeptical about such claims as, "... will power becomes practically nonexistent" and "We are without defense...". On the surface, it might sound like the alcoholic is looking to dodge personal responsibility for their actions and find a scapegoat.

The reality is just the opposite -- acceptance and responsibility are key. It wasn't until I ended the debate about will power and self-control and accepted that my drinking was something that I could not handle that I began to recover. Indeed, the first step in Alcoholics Anonymous is admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. That surrender doesn't mean, however, that I am not responsibile for my actions. It means that I have accepted the problem on the problem's terms (rather than trying to impose my own will) and can now claim full personal responsibility for my recovery.

There are those who argue that drinking is a choice -- not a disease. They will concede that some people abuse alcohol as a means to cope with life's difficulties. They further assert that if problem drinkers are taught more socially acceptable coping methods, they can continue to drink as normal. This has not been my experience.

Here's what the experts have to say: (to learn more click here)

Alcoholism, also known as alcohol dependence, is a disease that includes the following four symptoms:

* Craving - A strong need, or urge, to drink.

* Loss of control - Not being able to stop drinking once drinking has begun.

* Physical dependence - Withdrawal symptoms, such as nausea, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety after stopping drinking.

* Tolerance - The need to drink greater amounts of alcohol to get "high."

For clinical and research purposes, formal diagnostic criteria for alcoholism also have been developed. Such criteria are included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, published by the American Psychiatric Association, as well as in the International Classification Diseases, published by the World Health Organization.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Alcoholic Mind

2006-07-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

"... the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind... If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates."

"Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 23

The insanity of alcoholism is that despite the mounds of evidence to the contrary, every time an alcoholic picks up a drink, he or she is certain that this time will be different. The alcoholic part of the mind blocks the drinkers memory of all the pain and misery of the past. The mind behaves as if the drinker has never experienced a negative consequence as a result of drinking.

It's a logical question to ask, "If you know it's bad for you, why do you keep doing it?" But what needs to be understood is that when you're asking a logical question, you're speaking to a person's 'logical mind.' The 'alcoholic mind' will usually not answer or even acknowledge that it exists. If it does, it will lie.

For me, when my alcoholism wanted to drink, logic and the basis for the question went out the window. My alcoholic mind would not allow my logical mind to consider that drinking was bad for me. My alcoholic mind would not allow my memory to reveal to my body any of the negative consequences that drinking had previously caused. With no warning signals being received, my body willingly went along and took a drink.

About the time the liquor hit the back of my throat, my alcoholic mind would laugh and my logical mind would scream at my body, "What have you done?" Then my alcoholic mind would rationalize with my logical mind by saying, "He's already taken a drink, we might as well enjoy it. Don't worry, this will be the last time." Pretty soon the alcohol would daze my logical mind, my inhibitions would take a nap, my alcoholic mind would have a party, and my body would pay the price.

I am grateful that today, by turning my alcoholism over to God and working the Steps of A.A., I can remember the consequences of my drinking. It's one of the tools that I use to stay sober.

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A.A.: There is a Solution: Why ask "Why?"

2006-07-21T16:42:00.000-05:00

"... once he takes any alcohol whatsoever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 22

On the page from which the above quote was taken, the author poses the questions that so many wonder of the alcoholic. Why does he behave that way? She knows what happens when she drinks, why does she continue to do it? Why can't she stay sober? He's a smart ambitious kid, why can't he apply himself to his drinking problem?

I spent a lot of time trying to answer those questions for myself rather than focusing on what is more important. Rather than ask "Why can't I drink like other people?" the first question we must ask is "Am I an alcoholic?" If the answer to that question is "yes," then the next question is not "Why me?" but instead, it's "What can I do about it?" In other words, acceptance is the key. The answer to "Why?" is "I just am."

It wasn't until I accepted that I was an alcoholic that I even began looking for a solution. Studying its definition, debating its existence, and questioning its effects were all stall and denial tactics that kept me from getting sober.

If you think you have a problem, but don't know if you're an alcoholic, click here and take this simple test. Be honest -- if you are an alcoholic this will be difficult, but try your best! ;-)

Let me know how you make out. I'll tell you what works for me.

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A.A.: There is a Solution - Chasing the perfect buzz

2006-07-20T19:21:00.000-05:00

"But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 21

I began drinking when I was about thirteen and I can still remember the excitement and euphoria that drinking provided. I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but for me the feeling was incredible -- like nothing I had ever experienced. After a while, although the memory of the effect was still vivid, the feeling I got when I drank had changed -- still good, but different. The progressive nature of the disease made it all the more baffling. I had to drink more and more to get to that "perfect buzz" and the feeling never lasted as long as it did when I first started drinking.

I spent a lot of energy, time, and money chasing the perfect buzz -- it's an elusive thing! One day I realized that it had become the number one priority in my life and I didn't remember ever making that decision. I remembered choosing my first car. I remembered selecting a field of study and which college to attend. I remembered choosing my wife and a house for us to live. I remembered deciding to have children. But, I didn't remember opting to put all those things aside in favor of alcohol -- it just happened.

Alcoholism tells me that it's not such a big deal. It tells me that I can drink like I used to -- like a normal drinker. Alcoholism tells me that everything else important can wait. It tells me that I can find the perfect buzz. Alcoholism is a liar!

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A.A.: There is a Solution - Definition

2006-07-19T15:12:00.000-05:00

"How many times have people said to us: 'I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?' 'Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?' 'That fellow can't handle his liquor.' 'Why don't you try beer and wine?' 'Lay off the hard stuff.' 'His will power must be weak.' 'He could stop if he wanted to.' 'She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd quit for her sake.' 'The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.'

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions [to alcohol] are very different from ours."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 20

I have never met an alcohlic in recovery that claimed he or she was successful at controlling their drinking like a normal drinker. The very definition of alcoholism (http://www.sponsornet.com/faq1.html) includes craving and lack of control.

Alcoholism is a disease that includes the following four symptoms:

* Craving -- A strong need, or urge, to drink.
* Loss of control -- Not being able to stop drinking once drinking has begun.
* Physical dependence -- Withdrawal symptoms, such as nausea, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety after stopping drinking.
* Tolerance -- The need to drink greater amounts of alcohol to get "high."

Nonetheless, misconceptions persist to this day -- decades after formal research was initiated.

While the research for its cause and cure continues, Alcoholics Anonymous remains as the most successful and widely available recovery program for those suffering from alcoholism. It's simple, it's accessible, and it works.

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A.A.: There is a Solution - Not Just a Drinking Problem

2006-07-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

"We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs."

"There will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 19

After I had just a few months sobriety, I began to realize that my drinking problem was more than about getting drunk too often. I had been drinking heavily since I was an early teen. Binge drinking mostly at first and then escalating from there. The point is that I had begun to use alcohol as a coping agent during an important developmental phase of my life. When I should have been maturing from childhood to adulthood and learning how to deal with new feelings and emotions, I anesthetized and buried them with alcohol.

In hindsight it's clear to see that my emotional development was stunted or warped by my drinking. In some ways, my ability cope with life's issues remained immature. Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes the fact that our problems are greater than just drinking. Alcoholism is a disease of the body, mind, and spirit. As social beings, drinking (and our behavior) also impacts the communities we live in -- home, school, work, church, etc.

So, while my own self-centeredness was at the core of my problems (and remains so today) and drinking was a symptom, there were other effects that needed to be addressed. A.A. offered a practical program, through working its 12-Steps, to face every area of my life. By practicing the program in my life, I have been able to peel away the complex layers and adopt new beliefs and behaviors.

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A.A.: There is a Solution - Common Bond

2006-07-17T18:20:00.000-05:00

"Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

But the ex-probelm drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
Page 18

I used to be ashamed that I could not maintain control over my drinking. I believed that if I just tried hard enough, I could keep from allowing my drinking to keep getting me into tough situations. And why not -- my intelligence and hard work had served me well in other areas.

But, regardless of how hard I tried, I just couldn't get a handle on my drinking. Instead, it had the opposite result -- my drinking got worse and my problems grew bigger. As I progressed in the disease, I began to isolate from people (especially those that cared about me). I couldn't bear to let them see me and I could bear the looks of reproach, disgust, and pity. So, I was all alone with those same old tapes playing over and over in my mind -- try harder, get control of yourself, you can do better. I had lost self-confidence in most areas of my life. I began to convince myself that maybe I wasn't the person I thought I was. Maybe I was not as good and most people. I was in turmoil.

Relief for me came when a friend took me aside and shared in confidence that he once had a drinking problem. He told me about all the stupid things he did as a result of liquor. And then he told me about how he got better and what his life was like now. I listened and I cried. He could have been talking about my life.

And then the most amazing thing happened -- I began telling him all the secrets that I had bottled up for years. I knew I could trust him and I knew he wouldn't judge me. I told him how I had tried to stop drinking a thousand times, but each time something would happen and I'd be off to the races again. And when I had bared my soul, I felt better than I had in years. I was exhausted, but I craved to know more.

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A.A.: There is a Solution - Cheers

2006-07-16T17:12:00.000-05:00

"We of Alcoholics Anonymous... are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful."

"The tremendous fact for everyone of us is that we have discovered a common solution."

"This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."

Alcoholics Anonymous
There is a Solution
page 17

One of my most favorite paragraphs in the Big Book is also the shortest -- "It works -- it really does." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 88)

I don't know how or why, but one of the miraculous ways in which the program works is through the fellowship and sharing of hopes and fears with like-minded people. The friendliness and genuine warmth of people toward me is one of the things that keeps me coming back.

Ironically, the comfortable feeling I get at A.A. meetings causes me to think of the lyrics to "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" (the Cheers theme song) by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo.

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

You wanna go where people know, people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.

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Bill's Story - The Lighter Side

2006-07-15T21:53:00.000-05:00

"There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 16

There's an A.A. classic called, Rule #62 -- "Don't take yourself so damn seriously" (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 149). As I look over the last couple weeks' blog posts, I'm convicted by that rule.

So, I think it is most appropriate to wrap-up the postings about "Bill's Story" from Alcoholics Anonymous with the reminder that he left us that we should laugh and have fun. If I hadn't seen the easy laughter and freedom from worry in the faces of the people I met when I first came to the program, I'm sure I wouldn't have come back. They wouldn't have had anything I wanted.

Although alcoholism is a deadly disease that cannot be taken lightly, recovery is not all doom and gloom. We all have known more than our fair share of misery. In recovery we are taught to live life to its fullest -- happy, joyous, and free!

I have learned that I am not doomed by the mistakes of my past and I am free to choose to not repeat them. I can get off that merry-go-round and really enjoy life. Ironically, when I was drinking I was afraid that if I ever decided to quit that my life would be miserable, no fun at all. How it could have been any more miserable than it aleady was, I don't know. But, the reality is that recovery is a great way to live -- I recommend it to anyone!

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Bill's Story - Suit-up and Show-up

2006-07-14T21:04:00.000-05:00

"I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 15

One of the best meetings I ever attended was one that almost didn't happen. A buddy of mine called late one evening and asked if I would go to a meeting with him. I didn't really want to go out because it had been a long week and I was comfortable at home. But, he talked me into it and we decided we would go to a new group that had a late meeting because he had heard good things about it. When we arrived, there was another meeting just ending and no one, except for the two of us, showed up for the later one. We sat around waiting for about fifteen minutes and then began discussing where we should go get a bite to eat. Just about then, a man walked in that was clearly in trouble.

As it turned out, he was about three days sober and had just learned that his son died in an automobile accident earlier that day. He was devastated. He wanted to drink, but it was his son who had convinced him to get help for his drinking. In fact, it was his son who drove him to his first A.A. meeting three days earlier.

I don't remember really saying much -- I mostly listened. He told us about his family and how his drinking had torn them apart. He told us about his work and how there had been problems there. And, of course, he talked about how he had let his son down and wouldn't be able to make amends. The three of us stayed in that meeting room on into the early hours of the morning. My buddy and I took him home around 3:30 a.m. He had survived probably the most horrible day of his life -- without a drink.

That was a few years ago and I still see him around. He now sponsors 3-4 guys (I think it's his way of honoring his son). He always thanks me for being there that night and I am humbled because all I did was show up at the wrong time for a meeting. He needed someone to talk to and I was there, but he gave me a gift that has helped keep me sober. If I ever get lazy or complacent, I remember that night. I am responsible to help others as they helped me -- that's how it works -- and sometimes it's enough to just suit-up and show-up.

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Bill's Story - Simple, but not easy!

2006-07-13T13:30:00.000-05:00

"Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 14

It's a bit of irony that although I always seem to look for the "easy button," when left to my own devices, I can make the most seemingly effortless task difficult. I am my own worst enemy.

When I was drinking, I wanted the pain of the consequences to dissappear. I didn't really want to have to take responsibility and do something about it. Instead, I wanted some magic spell or pill to make me "normal." I just wanted to want away my problems.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of action. It's not a recovery program for those who simply want it, or even those who really need it. A.A. is for those who are willing to work for it. I came to the program really needing it, then (when I saw that it worked for others) I wanted it, and finally, I became willing to work for it. I suppose that it's just like anything worth having, you get out of it what you're willing to put into it.

Part of that effort means putting God and others ahead of my own selfish desires. It means accepting that the Universe does not revolve around me and living as part of, instead of apart from, the human race. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better -- One Day at a Time.

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Bill's Story - Surrender

2006-07-12T23:54:00.000-05:00

"I humbly offered myself to God, as I then understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 13

I credit Alcoholics Anonymous for my growing relationship with God. I came to A.A. with a childhood belief in God -- A.A. convinced me to actually trust my thinking. The pain and hopelessness that came from years of alcohol abuse, provided me with a willingness to try a different approach. That willingness combined with the suggestion of surrendering my will to God offered by Alcoholics Anonymous is what gave me the courage to make that initial step of faith.

Looking back, with the perspecitive of a post-game analyst (or Monday morning quarterback), I see that I really didn't sacrafice much. Although it seemed like a big deal at the time, I merely traded my old way of doing things or my will (which wasn't really working out that well for me anyway) for a way of living that had proven successful for other alcholics. My faith and greater understanding of God began with that small gift.

In his book, "The Good Book and the Big Book," Dick B. relates how Dr. Bob condensed the program into four basic ideas or spiritual challenges: trust God, clean house, love, and serve.

Let go and let God.

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Bill's Story - Willingness

2006-07-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

"Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"

"It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning."

"There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 12

Although I came to Alcoholics Anonymous with a belief in God, I was lacking faith. My immature understanding of God was of an all powerful presence and not a being with whom I could have a personal relationship. I trusted God for the really big things, but I didn't see how He really would concern Himself with my insignificant life.

I'm not a preacher, theologian, or biblical scholar. So, I don't have the same level of understanding as those with that vocation. I have attended church and read the Bible. So, I have a different level of understanding than those who have not.

But, in God's eyes are we any different? Is understanding religion a prerequisite for salvation? Of course not!

I saw in others how their faith had improved their lives -- I wanted what they had -- and I was willing to try anything. So, armed with my best understanding of God -- based on my life experiences up to that time -- I took the next step. I believe that the pursuit of a deeper understanding and a closer relationship with a Higher Power is what is important -- and that journey can start anywhere on the path. Happy trails!

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Bill's Story - Miracles

2006-07-10T17:08:00.000-05:00

"My friend sat before me, and he made the point-blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up."

"Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 11

Miracles -- you don't have to believe in them, but believe that I do. My life is witness to the fact that miracles do occur. Of course, I didn't recognize it right away. It took some time and it was only in hindsight that I saw how my life had changed. When I reflect on the variety of different ways I tried to control my drinking and the countless failed attempts to quit, I know that it isn't by my own will power that I am sober today. It is only by the grace of God.

It is far more humbling to accept charity, than to give it.

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Bill's Story - a Power greater than myself

2006-07-09T08:29:00.000-05:00

"I had always believed in a Power greater than myself. I had often pondered these things."

"I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation. But that was as far as I had gone."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 10

Like Bill, I had always considered a higher Power on an intellectual basis. But I had not developed the trusting, faithful relationship that I would later be given.

Growing up, I went to church and learned the stories in the Bible. In my teens, I even came to know Christ on a more personal level. But, my spiritual relationship was more belief than faith. I believed in God because, to me, there were no other plausible theories to explain my existence (notice how the Universe centered around me?). Evolution theory didn't explain how the primordial soup was created. And the Big Bang was flawed because even if you took creation down to the smallest fathomable particle, that "thing" still had to come from somewhere.

And besides, I really wanted to believe that there was some benevolent Father out there watching over me (even if I didn't really feel that way).

Although I'm still learning every day, I now know that in my youth, I really didn't have a clue. When I hit bottom, I was given the choice of faith when it was easy to accept. I didn't have any other good options. I've come to realize that to keep faith requires action on my part. Indeed, "Faith without works is dead."

The spiritual relationship that I am seeking today is based on the absolute knowledge that there is only one God (and I'm not Him). I can clearly see that most of my troubles were caused by my wrongly imposed will. Today, I ask for and try to receive God's will for my life. Then I simply try to do the next right thing. May God bless you.

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Bill's Story - Give it away to keep it!

2006-07-08T07:57:00.000-05:00

"He had come to pass along his experience to me -- if I cared to have it."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 9

That's how it worked for me. One afternoon, a few years ago, an angel in the form of an acquaintance approached me in my darkest hour. He was a friend when I didn't think I had any (as it turns out, I had more than I realized. It was me who hadn't been there...).

Ted (not his real name) said he recognized the same emptyness in my eyes that he had previously seen in his own. Ted was an alcoholic and he was happy. I knew he didn't drink, but I didn't think he ever had. That's probably why we had never gotten to know each other better. I didn't understand how people could just not drink. Truth be told, I was jealous of Ted. He seemed to have a handle on life (and I was out of control).

Ted casually told me about what he used to be like, how much and how often he used to drink, he told me of the people he hurt, the problems he caused, and the trouble he'd gotten into. He told me all this like he was talking to his best friend about a fishing trip. I had never been able to tell anyone about what I had done -- I was too ashamed. I wanted his courage and I wanted his freedom.

Then Ted explained what had changed the direction of his life. He told me about a conversation, very much like the one between he and I, that someone had with him. He told me that he found a program for people who could no longer control their drinking -- Alcoholics Anonymous. I replied that I had heard of A.A., but didn't really know anything about it. Ted offered to go with me to a meeting and said that if I wasn't comfortable, we could leave. Of course I said okay.

Ted said he would pick me up at 7:00 and asked if I could just not drink for the next three hours before the meeting. I said I could. He came by promptly at seven and that's how I went to my first A.A. meeting. Everyone seemed to know Ted and they came up and introduced themselves to me. I'm not sure why, but I was really nervous (and trying to act as though I wasn't). As the meeting began, one by one people introduced themselves again by saying their first name and adding, "I'm an alcoholic."

Mostly because I didn't want to stand out, when it was my turn, I said, "Hi, I'm Bill and I'm an alcoholic." That was the first time I had said that I was an alcoholic (at least out loud and certainly to other people). My heart skipped a beat, but it didn't stop cold. Strangely enough, just saying the words was liberating. By the end of the meeting, I knew I had found something special. I was still terrified, but somehow I felt better. I had a glimpse of hope that I didn't have before. I knew I'd be back.

As time has passed, I've found that it really is just that simple -- get honest with myself and other people, keep coming back, and pass along my experience, strength, and hope to someone else in need.

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Bill's Story - Self-Reliance

2006-07-07T17:48:00.000-05:00

"I, who had thought so well of myself and my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles, was cornered at last."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 8

Self-reliance... yeah right! So, how's that workin' out for ya?

I always felt that my greatest strength was my intelligence and strategic thinking. I never thought I was a genius or anything, but I was confident that if there was a problem, I could find a solution. But when it came to "solving" my drinking problem, nothing I tried on my own ever panned out as I planned for it to. The one thing I could always rely on, my mind, had failed me and I was in uncharted waters.

I was completely out of ideas... and I was afraid. I couldn't keep trying the same things I tried a thousand times before and I didn't know anyone who could understand -- let alone help. I couldn't tell anyone because the outward image I tried to project was completely different than the person on the inside and it was important to keep up that image (even if it killed me). I was terrified of people seeing me with these imperfections. I was all alone.

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Bill's Story - Self-Knowledge (Discovery, not Recovery!)

2006-07-06T23:18:00.000-05:00

"Surely this was the answer -- self-knowledge."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 7

I suppose it's a bit of a "Mars/Venus" guy thing, but once I realized that I had a problem, I wanted to fix it. It was an amazing relief to learn that there were others who thought like I did and that there was a scientific explanation for my unthinkable behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop. I began to learn all that I could about my disease and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. But learning how to recover is called discovery, not recovery!

Luckily, I met some smart people in the program that knew more than me and they explained how it really works. At the end of each meeting, I'd hear the words, "It works -- if you work it!" After a while, I began to understand the meaning of that conditional phrase.

There are three primary ways of "working the program":

Attend meetings - there is something miraculous that occurs by sharing experience, strengths, and hope with other like-minded people.
Strengthen your spirtual relationship - "There is One who has all power -- that One is God. May you find Him now!"
Work the steps - read the Book and follow its instructions -- line-by-line, page-by-page, step-by-step (a sponsor can be a great help).

Important Note: All three are required! They're like the three legs of a stool -- if any one or two are missing, the stool will fall over.

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Bill's Story - The Next Morning

2006-07-05T16:08:00.000-05:00

"The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 6

How many mornings did I come to with those emotions consuming me? I remember the embarrassment over the outrageous things I did and the guilt because of the promises I didn't keep. Over time, as my actions began to define my character, I was ashamed of who I had become.

Toward the end of my drinking "career," I would have blackouts and the line between reality and my paranoid dreams was blurred. There were mornings when I couldn't remember where I had parked my car the night before and I was terrified that I would find it wrecked or impounded.

My body and soul deterioriated while I tried to maintain a rock-steady persona on the outside. My mind could not process the contradiction. I was out of control. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience where I was watching a stranger inhabit and destroy my human form and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was powerless. I had lost all hope.

A.A. first tells us that we are sick people trying to get well -- not bad people trying to get good. Just as with any disease, alcoholism not something for which we should be ashamed. Then the program provides tools to release the guilt caused by our past behavior. A.A. also offers some good advice on how to happily rejoin the human race.

There isn't any problem that drinking won't make worse and alcohol turns normal fears into horror. By eliminating alcohol and learning to deal with the root cause of my fears, I began to find hope. I began to live. Today, I am thankful that I can still remember how bad it was, but I'm even more grateful that I no longer behave that way.

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Bill's Story - Independence

2006-07-04T19:33:00.000-05:00

"Gradually things got worse."

"Then I got a promising business opportunity."

"Then I went on a prodigious bender, and the chance vanished."

"I woke up. This had to stop. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever."

"Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been my high resolve? I simply didn't know. It hadn't come to mind."

"Renewing my resolve, I tried again."

"In no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
pages 5-6

To a "normal" drinker, the words above surely sound crazy. And according to Albert Einstein, who once said, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results," they're right!

If you were to ask me, I'd tell you that it was my story.

The one promise I so often made and so desperately needed to keep was, "I'll never touch alcohol again." But, without help, I just simply could not do it. It wasn't until I surrendered to this simple fact, that I began to get better.

I've since learned that I don't need to make such a BIG promise. A less daunting, "I won't drink today" will do.

As the nation celebrates its independence, I am also grateful for the freedom from alcohol that I have been given through the program and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Have a safe and sober 4th of July. God bless America.

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Bill's Story - Insanity

2006-07-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

"But drinking caught up with me again..."

"I found a job; then lost it..."

"My wife began to work..., coming home exhausted to find me drunk."

"Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity."

"Nevertheless, I still thought I could control the situation..."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
pages 4-5

Alcoholism is a disease where the sufferer not only denies the illness, but even the obvious symptoms. I couldn't admit (even to myself) that I had a drinking problem until there were no other excuses for my "living" problems. And then, I told myself that my drinking problem was the result of my hard luck (rather than the other way around -- which was obvious to everyone else)! I couldn't admit that I needed help until I was totally defeated. I hit bottom.

The insane thought that I could control my drinking kept me drunk for a long time. I grew up with the belief that I could accomplish anything if I just set my mind to it or tried hard enough. With liquor, the harder I tried to quit, the bigger my binges became. I was totally powerless and didn't have a clue.

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Bill's Story - Progressive Isolation

2006-07-02T23:23:00.000-05:00

"My drinking assumed more serious proporations, continuing all day and almost every night. The remonstrances of my friends terminated in a row and I became a lone wolf."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 3

Fairly early in the scientific study of problems associated with alcohol abuse, researcher E. M. Jellinek described alcoholism as a progressive disease and plotted the widely referenced "Jellinek Chart: The Progression and Recovery of the Alcoholic in the Disease of Alcoholism."

Somewhere toward the end of the "Crucial Phase" nearing the start of the "Chronic Phase," Jellinek notes (or predicts) the loss of friends as one of the milestones of the progressive spiral of the disease.

For me, that milestone came in my early twenties. It wasn't so much a "row" (as Bill W. described), but rather my friends just outgrew their tolerance for my excuses and broken promises. They were moving on and making something of their lives with professional careers, committed relationships, and adult interests. I was desperately trying to hold on to the fraternity boy lifestyle where I felt comfortable and accepted.

I felt abandoned and drank at my friends' "mistreatment" of me. My pride told me, "who needs them anyway" and I began to isolate in self pity. I too became a lone wolf.

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Bill's Story - Denial

2006-07-01T15:11:00.000-05:00

"... I became interested in the market. Many people lost money -- but some became very rich. Why not I?"

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 2

I relate to this part of Bill's story in a couple of different ways. Upon graduating from college I tried to get a job as a stock broker with all the top investment houses. How naive I was to think that they would entrust the fortunes of their wealthy clientele to a kid fresh out of school with no applicable experience. So, I took their advice and went and got a few years work experience under my belt and then I got a shot at my dream job.

I now realize that my attraction to the stock market wasn't about the dealings of big business or high finance, but rather a lust for easy money (or so I thought). My motto was, "Work smarter, not harder!" And to my twisted way of thinking that meant things should come easy with little effort if I could just find the right angle.

When I was drinking I could deny the fact that my immature attitude toward life wasn't working. I'd conjure up grandiose scenarios where I was a captain of industry with fame and riches. The insanity of my "drinking thinking" had me convinced (as it did Bill) "...that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majestic constructions of philosophic thought were so derived."

Of course, the truth was quite different and I was about to receive a cold slap of reality in the face.

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Bill's Story - The man took a drink, the drink took a drink, then the drink took the man

2006-06-30T17:34:00.000-05:00

"... moments sublime with intervals hilarious. I was part of life at last, and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor."

"I was very lonely and again turned to alcohol."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 1

It has been nearly twenty years since I first read these words and they resonate as clearly today as they did then. I was given a Big Book by a friend who recognized that I was suffering -- just as he had, until he discovered and began working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's how A.A. works -- one alcoholic helping another.

I had to read only the first few sentences of the book to feel there was hope. I had never before heard anyone describe the same feelings that I had. No one I knew understood why I drank so much or why I couldn't just stop at a few. For them, drinking was fun, a social lubricant. For me, it was everything and I knew it was killing me.

As I was growing up and in high school and later in college, I had big dreams and ambitions. I had an image of the person I was going to be -- it was someone I admired and looked up to, like other positive role models. But it didn't come easy for me and I found that alcohol made me less inhibited, more creative, personable, and more popular. And then it turned on me...

I'd drink to create those feelings, that release, the freedom. But it was harder to find and, if it did come, it lasted for only a short while. I'd usually overshoot the mark trying to maintain the feeling... and then there would be the consequences and the lying and the guilt and the pain.

Over time, the person I became, the face that stared back in the mirror, was not the image I had envisioned at all. The reflection was of someone of whom I was ashamed. That person said things I would never say, thought things I would never think, and did things I would never do. That person wasn't me -- but it was! It was like I was becoming stranger and I didn't know how to find the real me. I was lost.

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AA's Efficacy

2004-10-12T09:49:00.000-05:00

As stated in the “Foreword to the Second Edition,” of Alcoholics Anonymous, published in 1955, “Of alcoholics who came to A.A. and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses…” Today the number is estimated at approximately 30% (and some dispute that figure as being too generous).

Why has the program's effectiveness dropped 45 points in the last 50 years?

First Post

2004-07-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

This blog is dedicated to online 12 stepping. When two or more who struggle with addictions come together to share their experience, strengths, and hopes, the miracle of recovery begins.