SponsorNet

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing."

Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 30

Wow! This hit me like a 2x4 in the face. As I read the Big Book, I was convicted right there in print. Of course I didn't want to be different than other people -- I wanted to be social and fit in. It only made sense that I wouldn't want to admit to being an alcoholic, that was different. But that was only part of the story. I didn't want to be an alcoholic.

I wanted to be an exceptional social drinker. I romanticized drinking -- it was part of my persona. I was not an alcoholic -- I was James Bond (shaken, not stirred) and Dirty Harry (with a flask under my car seat). I was both Hugh Hefner and the big man on campus who won all the "chug-a-lug's.

What should have been obvious never occured to me. I was pursuing an illusion. Not only was my goal a mirage, but I could never run fast enough to reach it, even if it were real. I wish I could say that I just woke up one day and saw the lie that I was living, but the reality is that it wasn't until the pain became unbearable that I took any action.



Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services

aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse