Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Bill's Story - The Next Morning
"The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 6
How many mornings did I come to with those emotions consuming me? I remember the embarrassment over the outrageous things I did and the guilt because of the promises I didn't keep. Over time, as my actions began to define my character, I was ashamed of who I had become.
Toward the end of my drinking "career," I would have blackouts and the line between reality and my paranoid dreams was blurred. There were mornings when I couldn't remember where I had parked my car the night before and I was terrified that I would find it wrecked or impounded.
My body and soul deterioriated while I tried to maintain a rock-steady persona on the outside. My mind could not process the contradiction. I was out of control. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience where I was watching a stranger inhabit and destroy my human form and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was powerless. I had lost all hope.
A.A. first tells us that we are sick people trying to get well -- not bad people trying to get good. Just as with any disease, alcoholism not something for which we should be ashamed. Then the program provides tools to release the guilt caused by our past behavior. A.A. also offers some good advice on how to happily rejoin the human race.
There isn't any problem that drinking won't make worse and alcohol turns normal fears into horror. By eliminating alcohol and learning to deal with the root cause of my fears, I began to find hope. I began to live. Today, I am thankful that I can still remember how bad it was, but I'm even more grateful that I no longer behave that way.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
Alcoholics Anonymous
Bill's Story
page 6
How many mornings did I come to with those emotions consuming me? I remember the embarrassment over the outrageous things I did and the guilt because of the promises I didn't keep. Over time, as my actions began to define my character, I was ashamed of who I had become.
Toward the end of my drinking "career," I would have blackouts and the line between reality and my paranoid dreams was blurred. There were mornings when I couldn't remember where I had parked my car the night before and I was terrified that I would find it wrecked or impounded.
My body and soul deterioriated while I tried to maintain a rock-steady persona on the outside. My mind could not process the contradiction. I was out of control. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience where I was watching a stranger inhabit and destroy my human form and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was powerless. I had lost all hope.
A.A. first tells us that we are sick people trying to get well -- not bad people trying to get good. Just as with any disease, alcoholism not something for which we should be ashamed. Then the program provides tools to release the guilt caused by our past behavior. A.A. also offers some good advice on how to happily rejoin the human race.
There isn't any problem that drinking won't make worse and alcohol turns normal fears into horror. By eliminating alcohol and learning to deal with the root cause of my fears, I began to find hope. I began to live. Today, I am thankful that I can still remember how bad it was, but I'm even more grateful that I no longer behave that way.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
# posted by Bill B. @ 4:08 PM 
