Sunday, August 06, 2006
A.A.: More About Alcoholism: Insanity
"However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane."
Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 38
The length I went to protect my drinking was insane. Even though I knew that I shouldn't be drinking, I felt I had to. I didn't want anyone suggesting that I should cut back or to try to stop me. So, toward the end of my drinking, I became a closet drinker -- drinking alone and drinking in secret (and, yes, I even literally drank in the closet). I spent great energy trying to prevent other people from knowing how much I drank. Although I bought liquor nearly every day, I would never buy it from the same store two days in a row.
I often bought it from the grocery store and would buy several other food items that I had no intention of eating along with the booze, just to make it look like I didn't come to buy just the alcohol. When markets' point-of-sale technology advanced and sales receipts printed item descriptions along with their price, I made it a practice to throw the slips away as I exited the store so that there would be no evidence later found in my pants pocket.
All the while, as I was practicing this bizarre behavior, I kept promising myself that I would slow it down. I'd promise myself that after this next promotion or next birthday or next whatever, that I'd stop drinking. I failed every test. Again borrowing from Einstein, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
I can totally relate to the tale of the jay-walker described in the Big Book. I was run over by a "trolley" several times and each time promised that I'd never do that again. I'd then agree that it was insane behavior and yet, in no time, I would be right back at it.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
Alcoholics Anonymous
More About Alcoholism
Page 38
The length I went to protect my drinking was insane. Even though I knew that I shouldn't be drinking, I felt I had to. I didn't want anyone suggesting that I should cut back or to try to stop me. So, toward the end of my drinking, I became a closet drinker -- drinking alone and drinking in secret (and, yes, I even literally drank in the closet). I spent great energy trying to prevent other people from knowing how much I drank. Although I bought liquor nearly every day, I would never buy it from the same store two days in a row.
I often bought it from the grocery store and would buy several other food items that I had no intention of eating along with the booze, just to make it look like I didn't come to buy just the alcohol. When markets' point-of-sale technology advanced and sales receipts printed item descriptions along with their price, I made it a practice to throw the slips away as I exited the store so that there would be no evidence later found in my pants pocket.
All the while, as I was practicing this bizarre behavior, I kept promising myself that I would slow it down. I'd promise myself that after this next promotion or next birthday or next whatever, that I'd stop drinking. I failed every test. Again borrowing from Einstein, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
I can totally relate to the tale of the jay-walker described in the Big Book. I was run over by a "trolley" several times and each time promised that I'd never do that again. I'd then agree that it was insane behavior and yet, in no time, I would be right back at it.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
# posted by Bill B. @ 2:45 PM 
