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"We looked at the human defects of these people, and sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale condemnation. We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves."

Alcoholics Anonymous
We Agnostics
Page 50

I can remember rationalizing my immoral behavior and general slide in that direction by looking at others who claimed to be spiritual or God loving and finding fault in their actions. I'd look for hypocrisy, even when there really wasn't any. I would think thoughts such as, "Well so-and-so is a church goer and I saw him drinking last weekend or that person is such a Sunday-only Christian -- come Monday morning he's a real SOB."

By looking at the chinks in their armor, I didn't have to look at myself and when I did it was easier to tell myself that that I was better than they because I didn't pretend to be something I wasn't. I told people, "What you see is what you get." Of course, that couldn't have been further from the truth. In true alcoholic form, I was very much the actor leading a double life.

I used a lot of excuses to turn my back and distance myself from my Higher Power. However, the real point is that when I had hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to turn, I did an about face and looked to God for help. That change in attitude was the beginning of a new way of living and thinking. Miraculously, in the face of complete failure, I found peace and the courage to take the next step which has led to my recovery and current happiness. If you're at a point of despair, you can find the same hope as I did and millions of others have. It all begins with asking your Higher Power for help.



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