Sunday, September 03, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Resentments
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness."
"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us."
"We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 66
The other day one of my colleagues at work called me on the telephone in a very confrontational and condescending manner. He had misinterpreted something he read and reacted inappropriately. Although I cleared up the misunderstanding, I stewed on it all day. I felt threatened and disrespected. I wished that I had told him off by calling him a f*&%ing blowhard and asking him who the heck he thinks he is. I thought that would have made me feel better.
Upon further reflection, I was glad I didn't. Although he was clearly in the wrong, I possibly could have avoided the whole incident by making my original communication clearer and therefore less likely to be misinterpreted. The other point to consider is that the situation ate me up all day -- I'm sure he didn't give it two minutes further consideration. And, had I pursued it further, who's to say it would have gone the way I imagined? I had allowed his actions to control my mood all day (and he never even knew that I had given him such power).
So, whom did my resentment hurt? Clearly it was me. In the past, I would have gotten even by getting drunk! How's that for rational thought?
It finally occurred to me that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools to effectively deal with this very type of situation. So, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and allowed myself to believe that he was having a really bad day. While it doesn't really excuse his behavior, it did divert it toward something other than me. I said a prayer for us both and let the anger go. I felt 100% better and the ability for us to have a positive working relationship in the future has been preserved.
This stuff works!
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us."
"We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 66
The other day one of my colleagues at work called me on the telephone in a very confrontational and condescending manner. He had misinterpreted something he read and reacted inappropriately. Although I cleared up the misunderstanding, I stewed on it all day. I felt threatened and disrespected. I wished that I had told him off by calling him a f*&%ing blowhard and asking him who the heck he thinks he is. I thought that would have made me feel better.
Upon further reflection, I was glad I didn't. Although he was clearly in the wrong, I possibly could have avoided the whole incident by making my original communication clearer and therefore less likely to be misinterpreted. The other point to consider is that the situation ate me up all day -- I'm sure he didn't give it two minutes further consideration. And, had I pursued it further, who's to say it would have gone the way I imagined? I had allowed his actions to control my mood all day (and he never even knew that I had given him such power).
So, whom did my resentment hurt? Clearly it was me. In the past, I would have gotten even by getting drunk! How's that for rational thought?
It finally occurred to me that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools to effectively deal with this very type of situation. So, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and allowed myself to believe that he was having a really bad day. While it doesn't really excuse his behavior, it did divert it toward something other than me. I said a prayer for us both and let the anger go. I felt 100% better and the ability for us to have a positive working relationship in the future has been preserved.
This stuff works!
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
# posted by Bill B. @ 10:21 PM 
