Friday, September 15, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: Economic Insecurity
"We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 78
"The Promises" (page 83-84 of Alcoholics Anonymous) state: "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
To put it mildly, I did not manage money very well when I was drinking. The economic insecurity I felt was of my own doing. Alcohol told me to spend and I spent with no regard for the consequences. In addition to what I spent on booze, I made poor purchasing decisions on other things I did not need. Somehow, it always seemed like I couldn't live without those things when I was buzzed and I told myself that I'd figure out how to pay for it tomorrow. I loved the power of credit cards and then they too, turned on me.
Amends sometimes means reaching into my wallet to repay a debt (even when the debt may have been long forgotten). Today, I will go without if it means that I can repay an obigation that I incurred yesterday. I will no longer live in fear.
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Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 78
"The Promises" (page 83-84 of Alcoholics Anonymous) state: "Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
To put it mildly, I did not manage money very well when I was drinking. The economic insecurity I felt was of my own doing. Alcohol told me to spend and I spent with no regard for the consequences. In addition to what I spent on booze, I made poor purchasing decisions on other things I did not need. Somehow, it always seemed like I couldn't live without those things when I was buzzed and I told myself that I'd figure out how to pay for it tomorrow. I loved the power of credit cards and then they too, turned on me.
Amends sometimes means reaching into my wallet to repay a debt (even when the debt may have been long forgotten). Today, I will go without if it means that I can repay an obigation that I incurred yesterday. I will no longer live in fear.
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: Straightening Out the Past
"...we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so..."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 77
Making direct amends to people I have harmed, as Step 9 suggests, is some of the most difficult work I do in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is also some of the most rewarding. This was especially true early on in sobriety and in particular to those people whom I did not like so much.
When I was drinking, I did things that were really out of character for me. I did things I regretted and for which I was ashamed. I did mean things and dishonest things. And I never apologized to anyone... I rationalized my behavior as justified, blamed my actions on others, or simply denied my words and drowned any guilt with more alcohol. But deep down, I knew it was wrong. Deep down, I felt ashamed and unworthy. I lived in fear of the past.
Through A.A. I have owned up to those mistakes and faced the fear head-on. I have restored respect to people I have trashed and been given courage to do the next right thing. I have swept my side of the street. The past no longer has a hold on me and does not define who I am today.
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Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 77
Making direct amends to people I have harmed, as Step 9 suggests, is some of the most difficult work I do in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is also some of the most rewarding. This was especially true early on in sobriety and in particular to those people whom I did not like so much.
When I was drinking, I did things that were really out of character for me. I did things I regretted and for which I was ashamed. I did mean things and dishonest things. And I never apologized to anyone... I rationalized my behavior as justified, blamed my actions on others, or simply denied my words and drowned any guilt with more alcohol. But deep down, I knew it was wrong. Deep down, I felt ashamed and unworthy. I lived in fear of the past.
Through A.A. I have owned up to those mistakes and faced the fear head-on. I have restored respect to people I have trashed and been given courage to do the next right thing. I have swept my side of the street. The past no longer has a hold on me and does not define who I am today.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: Willingness is Indispensable
"We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haevn't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."
"Now we need more action, without which we find that 'Faith without works is dead.'"
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 76
One of the things I count as a blessing is the memory of how bad it got. Not that I want to dwell in the past, but I never want to forget. Sometimes I use those bad memories to motivate me to keep doing what I need to do each day to stay sober and live a life free from the compulsion to drink.
Just as the text suggests, willingness is key, but then comes the requirement to actually do something about it.
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"Now we need more action, without which we find that 'Faith without works is dead.'"
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 76
One of the things I count as a blessing is the memory of how bad it got. Not that I want to dwell in the past, but I never want to forget. Sometimes I use those bad memories to motivate me to keep doing what I need to do each day to stay sober and live a life free from the compulsion to drink.
Just as the text suggests, willingness is key, but then comes the requirement to actually do something about it.
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: The Passionate Pursuit of Potential
"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of our past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We may begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 75
"Liberating" is the word I use most often to describe my experience with working a 5th Step. I never realized the extent to which I was hiding from the world - afraid that others would discover the fraud that I had been and worse, wouldn't accept the person I really was.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "The relentless pursuit of perfection"? It was a tagline for Lexus automobiles during the 1990's - probably coined by an alcoholic. The trap I laid for myself was setting a standard so high that there was no way that I could ever achieve it. Nothing less than perfection. My difficulties began when I perceived the outcome of my efforts (viewed by others as 'above average' to 'outstanding') as failure. For a time, I continued to strive for perfection, but after a while I felt the effort was futile. So, instead of lowering the bar, I just gave up and went to the bar. The new standard became "as little as possible."
It was no way to live and, of course, it was a downward spiral. As I became sicker and sicker, I stockpiled regret, fear, and envy. Owning up to it all and then letting it go by honestly disclosing it to God and another human being has been a huge step in my recovery. I have since felt the nearness of my Creator and have been led into a spiritual experience.
Just like me, I think the "tagmeister" at Lexus must have sobered up and dumped the garbage of the past - the company filed for a trademark of the phrase, "The passionate pursuit of potential."
I think I'm going to make that the tagline for my life. I can live up to being the best that I can be. It's not perfection, but I can look the world in the eye...
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Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 75
"Liberating" is the word I use most often to describe my experience with working a 5th Step. I never realized the extent to which I was hiding from the world - afraid that others would discover the fraud that I had been and worse, wouldn't accept the person I really was.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "The relentless pursuit of perfection"? It was a tagline for Lexus automobiles during the 1990's - probably coined by an alcoholic. The trap I laid for myself was setting a standard so high that there was no way that I could ever achieve it. Nothing less than perfection. My difficulties began when I perceived the outcome of my efforts (viewed by others as 'above average' to 'outstanding') as failure. For a time, I continued to strive for perfection, but after a while I felt the effort was futile. So, instead of lowering the bar, I just gave up and went to the bar. The new standard became "as little as possible."
It was no way to live and, of course, it was a downward spiral. As I became sicker and sicker, I stockpiled regret, fear, and envy. Owning up to it all and then letting it go by honestly disclosing it to God and another human being has been a huge step in my recovery. I have since felt the nearness of my Creator and have been led into a spiritual experience.
Just like me, I think the "tagmeister" at Lexus must have sobered up and dumped the garbage of the past - the company filed for a trademark of the phrase, "The passionate pursuit of potential."
I think I'm going to make that the tagline for my life. I can live up to being the best that I can be. It's not perfection, but I can look the world in the eye...
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
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Monday, September 11, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: Sounding Board
"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."
"Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom we take this intimate and confidential step."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 74
"We're only as sick as our secrets" is one of my favorite A.A. slogans. I learned the hard way that it's best to get all our secrets, behavior, and thoughts for which we're ashamed out. If left bottled-up inside our minds, they retain control over our emotions and ability to live freely. I'm not talking about some big public announcement, but safely disclosed to a trustworthy person. It's a big part of cleaning our side of the street.
There is something liberating about confessing our prior bad acts. And, I believe that the Catholic faith presents a good model with its Sacrament of Penance. I don't claim to be an expert on Catholicism, but from my understanding, Catholics believe that a confession is more that the simple act of telling one's sins -- a confession must include sincere sorrow and a desire to make things right.
Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't explicitly state it as I've suggested, however, taken as a whole, the steps certainly imply a thorough and humbling amends.
The other point of this passage is to find someone that is trustworthy. I believe most in A.A. find a sponsor with whom to "do their fifth step."
Those who are probably not suitable include: your wife or husband, mother-in-law, your children, best friend, barber (unless he happens to be your sponsor), definitely not your old bartender, gossipy neighbor, boss, old girlfriend/boyfriend, fence post, Big Book, etc. In other words, find someone in A.A. with a few years of sobriety that you can trust (these are great qualities for a sponsor also).
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"Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom we take this intimate and confidential step."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 74
"We're only as sick as our secrets" is one of my favorite A.A. slogans. I learned the hard way that it's best to get all our secrets, behavior, and thoughts for which we're ashamed out. If left bottled-up inside our minds, they retain control over our emotions and ability to live freely. I'm not talking about some big public announcement, but safely disclosed to a trustworthy person. It's a big part of cleaning our side of the street.
There is something liberating about confessing our prior bad acts. And, I believe that the Catholic faith presents a good model with its Sacrament of Penance. I don't claim to be an expert on Catholicism, but from my understanding, Catholics believe that a confession is more that the simple act of telling one's sins -- a confession must include sincere sorrow and a desire to make things right.
Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't explicitly state it as I've suggested, however, taken as a whole, the steps certainly imply a thorough and humbling amends.
The other point of this passage is to find someone that is trustworthy. I believe most in A.A. find a sponsor with whom to "do their fifth step."
Those who are probably not suitable include: your wife or husband, mother-in-law, your children, best friend, barber (unless he happens to be your sponsor), definitely not your old bartender, gossipy neighbor, boss, old girlfriend/boyfriend, fence post, Big Book, etc. In other words, find someone in A.A. with a few years of sobriety that you can trust (these are great qualities for a sponsor also).
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: Decisions
"More than most people the alcoholic leads a double life."
"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 73
I ran across a quote the other day by Tony Robbins that I find relevant. Tony says, "It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."
As an alcoholic, I was nearly always ready to claim a decision. I decided I was going to stop drinking a thousand times. I decided that I would never drink on Sundays so that I could get up for work on Mondays. I decided that I would never drive after drinking. I decided that I would do whatever it took to control my drinking. The only problem was, it was easy for me to proclaim these things and then, privately, not follow through. I'd have good intentions to be honest, but when it came right down to it, it was easier to only tell half the story.
I never got sober by just being nearly always ready. The Big Book says, "Half measures availed us nothing." Nothing is what I got for all my readiness.
Tony has something to say about this too, "A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."
Without action, Alcoholics Anonymous is just another big book!
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"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 73
I ran across a quote the other day by Tony Robbins that I find relevant. Tony says, "It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."
As an alcoholic, I was nearly always ready to claim a decision. I decided I was going to stop drinking a thousand times. I decided that I would never drink on Sundays so that I could get up for work on Mondays. I decided that I would never drive after drinking. I decided that I would do whatever it took to control my drinking. The only problem was, it was easy for me to proclaim these things and then, privately, not follow through. I'd have good intentions to be honest, but when it came right down to it, it was easier to only tell half the story.
I never got sober by just being nearly always ready. The Big Book says, "Half measures availed us nothing." Nothing is what I got for all my readiness.
Tony has something to say about this too, "A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."
Without action, Alcoholics Anonymous is just another big book!
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
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Saturday, September 09, 2006
A.A.: Into Action: All That "Stuff"
"Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it?"
"Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 72
The title of this chapter tells it all -- Into Action. The founders of A.A. summarized the program with four central ideals: trust God, clean house, love, and service. Steps 4-9 are the "house cleaning" steps. In Step Four, we took a person inventory -- an honest and thorough review of our life and past behavior. This prepared us to take action to dump the baggage of our past. The Fifth Step in the program of recovery is, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
As on might guess this can be a very scary proposition, uncomfortable at the very least. This step was suggesting that I actually tell someone about all the "stuff" that I had held secret. I had worked hard to avoid anyone finding out about all that "stuff," let alone actually tell anyone! Of course, all that "stuff" had kept me sick for years; all that "stuff" had kept me drinking to numb the pain of those repressed feelings and guilt trying to float to the surface.
By the time I had completed my 4th Step inventory and was preparing to move to the next step, I was beginning to trust Alcoholics Anonymous, the people I had met there, and I was beginning to trust God. By admitting that I was an alcoholic, I had already broken down some of the resistance to telling someone else about my character defects. So, in a way, the 5th Step was just a continuation of that revealing. I was also reassured by the stories of others who had done the work before me. They talked about having the same fear that I was feeling and of how things worked out okay.
No one wants to admit to having hurt others or behaving badly or being different, but there really isn't anything that anyone has done that someone else hasn't also done. Most sponsors, pastors, or people who have been around A.A. for a few years have "heard it all" before. That doesn't make the behavior acceptable, but it does mean that practically no one will be so shocked and astonished so as to cause permanent damage to the person listening. So, take a deep breath, and get started!
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA Services
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"Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects."
Alcoholics Anonymous
Into Action
Page 72
The title of this chapter tells it all -- Into Action. The founders of A.A. summarized the program with four central ideals: trust God, clean house, love, and service. Steps 4-9 are the "house cleaning" steps. In Step Four, we took a person inventory -- an honest and thorough review of our life and past behavior. This prepared us to take action to dump the baggage of our past. The Fifth Step in the program of recovery is, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
As on might guess this can be a very scary proposition, uncomfortable at the very least. This step was suggesting that I actually tell someone about all the "stuff" that I had held secret. I had worked hard to avoid anyone finding out about all that "stuff," let alone actually tell anyone! Of course, all that "stuff" had kept me sick for years; all that "stuff" had kept me drinking to numb the pain of those repressed feelings and guilt trying to float to the surface.
By the time I had completed my 4th Step inventory and was preparing to move to the next step, I was beginning to trust Alcoholics Anonymous, the people I had met there, and I was beginning to trust God. By admitting that I was an alcoholic, I had already broken down some of the resistance to telling someone else about my character defects. So, in a way, the 5th Step was just a continuation of that revealing. I was also reassured by the stories of others who had done the work before me. They talked about having the same fear that I was feeling and of how things worked out okay.
No one wants to admit to having hurt others or behaving badly or being different, but there really isn't anything that anyone has done that someone else hasn't also done. Most sponsors, pastors, or people who have been around A.A. for a few years have "heard it all" before. That doesn't make the behavior acceptable, but it does mean that practically no one will be so shocked and astonished so as to cause permanent damage to the person listening. So, take a deep breath, and get started!
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
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Friday, September 08, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Buy a Ticket
"We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 71
The good news it that God desires an individual personal relationship with each one of us. He expects us to take the initiative, but He will help if we ask.
The story goes that a fellow, desperate for money to provide for his family, prayed each day to God to let him win the lotto. After listening to his prayers for about a month, God responded to the man and said, "Meet me half-way -- buy a lottery ticket!"
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Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 71
The good news it that God desires an individual personal relationship with each one of us. He expects us to take the initiative, but He will help if we ask.
The story goes that a fellow, desperate for money to provide for his family, prayed each day to God to let him win the lotto. After listening to his prayers for about a month, God responded to the man and said, "Meet me half-way -- buy a lottery ticket!"
Get the latest edition of:
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Full Disclosure
"If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 70
This Step is where the rubber meets the road. The guiding principles are thoroughness and honesty. Everything should be put down on paper. When we've finished, we go back and put down those things that we don't want to write about (and everybody has something that doesn't make the list the first go).
We're preparing the foundaton for a better way of life. I'm reminded of an experience I had putting up new wallpaper. I first stripped off the old paper and then prepped the wall to put up the new. I thought I did a pretty good job of getting all the old paper off, but it was difficult, tedious work. The old paper had fused with the drywall and was difficult to remove.
I was anxious to get the new paper up. When I finished removing most of the old paper, there we still small areas where the paper or glue still stuck, but they were slight imperfections and I figured that the new paper would certainly cover them.
I couldn't have been more wrong. The slight bumps were magnified by the new paper and looked as though I had papered over pictures still hung on the wall. So, it is with our inventories. If we leave anything undisclosed, if will become a huge issue and occupy our minds, nagging us to take action. It's much better to get it all out the first time.
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Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 70
This Step is where the rubber meets the road. The guiding principles are thoroughness and honesty. Everything should be put down on paper. When we've finished, we go back and put down those things that we don't want to write about (and everybody has something that doesn't make the list the first go).
We're preparing the foundaton for a better way of life. I'm reminded of an experience I had putting up new wallpaper. I first stripped off the old paper and then prepped the wall to put up the new. I thought I did a pretty good job of getting all the old paper off, but it was difficult, tedious work. The old paper had fused with the drywall and was difficult to remove.
I was anxious to get the new paper up. When I finished removing most of the old paper, there we still small areas where the paper or glue still stuck, but they were slight imperfections and I figured that the new paper would certainly cover them.
I couldn't have been more wrong. The slight bumps were magnified by the new paper and looked as though I had papered over pictures still hung on the wall. So, it is with our inventories. If we leave anything undisclosed, if will become a huge issue and occupy our minds, nagging us to take action. It's much better to get it all out the first time.
Get the latest edition of:
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Relationships
"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."
"We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 69
My drinking caused problems in all my relationships; family, friends, business, and romantic. I had to review my past behavior in each of these and be willing to admit to the other person where I was wrong.
The amends I made to my family and friends were in some ways the most difficult because they were the people whom I cared about most, but they also turned out to be the most appreciative and supportative because they cared about me. Making amends to business colleagues was difficult because in many case, I felt as though I had been harmed more than the other person, but I was there to take responsibility for my part of the situation.
The challenge in making amends to old girlfriends was in insuring that my motives were honorable. I admit that I was tempted to use my new sobriety as a ploy to rekindle romantic feelings. Afterall, if the relationship's problems were due to my drinking, shouldn't the relationship pick back up since I had put a stop to the root cause? I'm not saying that this logic is flawed for everyone, but it didn't work out that way for me. Although alcohol my have stunted my emotional maturity and growth, my past girlfriends, who were not alcoholic, had healed and moved on. Sure, there may have been some nostalgia in their hearts, but no smoldering fires. Most were genuinely happy for me and some may have been sad that I hadn't found sobriety sooner, a couple just simply didn't care. But, none of them were looking to rekindle anything.
So, my advice to anyone looking to make amends to past romantic relationships is to treat the amend just like you would a business colleague. Go into it with the right motive -- take responsibility for your part and put out of your mind the wrongs of the other person. Don't have any hidden motives, desires or expectations. If anything is to rekindle, it's best to give it a good deal of time. It takes a while to rebuild trust once it's lost. At the very least, let the other person be the initiator.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
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"We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 69
My drinking caused problems in all my relationships; family, friends, business, and romantic. I had to review my past behavior in each of these and be willing to admit to the other person where I was wrong.
The amends I made to my family and friends were in some ways the most difficult because they were the people whom I cared about most, but they also turned out to be the most appreciative and supportative because they cared about me. Making amends to business colleagues was difficult because in many case, I felt as though I had been harmed more than the other person, but I was there to take responsibility for my part of the situation.
The challenge in making amends to old girlfriends was in insuring that my motives were honorable. I admit that I was tempted to use my new sobriety as a ploy to rekindle romantic feelings. Afterall, if the relationship's problems were due to my drinking, shouldn't the relationship pick back up since I had put a stop to the root cause? I'm not saying that this logic is flawed for everyone, but it didn't work out that way for me. Although alcohol my have stunted my emotional maturity and growth, my past girlfriends, who were not alcoholic, had healed and moved on. Sure, there may have been some nostalgia in their hearts, but no smoldering fires. Most were genuinely happy for me and some may have been sad that I hadn't found sobriety sooner, a couple just simply didn't care. But, none of them were looking to rekindle anything.
So, my advice to anyone looking to make amends to past romantic relationships is to treat the amend just like you would a business colleague. Go into it with the right motive -- take responsibility for your part and put out of your mind the wrongs of the other person. Don't have any hidden motives, desires or expectations. If anything is to rekindle, it's best to give it a good deal of time. It takes a while to rebuild trust once it's lost. At the very least, let the other person be the initiator.
Get the latest edition of:
Alcoholics Anonymous
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Letting Go of Fear
"We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 68
Dr. Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., the author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, suggests that the only impediments to the life we yearn for are the limitations imposed on us by our own minds. Revealing our true selves, the essence of which is love, is a matter of releasing those limited and limiting thoughts.
To live without fear, we must stop analyzing it, stop agonizing over it, stop fighting with it, and simply . . . let it go. How? By releasing our paralyzing preoccupation with the past and our chronic apprehension over the future—which is, needless to say, easier said than done.
A.A.'s Fourth Step inventory gives me a simplistic tool to recognize, identify, and own the fears that have been keeping me from realizing my full potential. Of course, something must be done about it.
We let Him (God) demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.
www.sponsornet.com/3rdprayer.html
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Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 68
Dr. Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., the author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, suggests that the only impediments to the life we yearn for are the limitations imposed on us by our own minds. Revealing our true selves, the essence of which is love, is a matter of releasing those limited and limiting thoughts.
To live without fear, we must stop analyzing it, stop agonizing over it, stop fighting with it, and simply . . . let it go. How? By releasing our paralyzing preoccupation with the past and our chronic apprehension over the future—which is, needless to say, easier said than done.
A.A.'s Fourth Step inventory gives me a simplistic tool to recognize, identify, and own the fears that have been keeping me from realizing my full potential. Of course, something must be done about it.
We let Him (God) demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.
www.sponsornet.com/3rdprayer.html
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Monday, September 04, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: My Inventory
"Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though the situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 67
It's easy to look for fault in other people -- that used to be my M.O. I would try to make myself feel better or more important or less intimidated by tearing down the other person. But that is such a downward spiral. The effects on my ego were short-lived and pretty soon, according to me, everything and everyone sucked. Guess what happens when you treat everything and everyone like crap? You reap what you sow.
Pretty soon the world didn't think so much of me either. My methods backfired and I copped a "me against the world" attitude. What I really wanted was to be accepted -- to be a part of something. What I chose was to be apart from everything. In that loneliness, it was easy to justify my drinking.
In recovery I can see how self-destructive I had become. I am a human being with many flaws and that's okay. But, it means that I've got enough to work on right here at home without needing to go outside of myself to take inventory of other people's issues. In A.A., I've been taught that the real way to feel better about myself is to help build up other poeple -- to help them through their tough times. I have something to offer and that's not something to brag about -- I'm there to serve with no expectations or demands. Today I am a part of something much bigger than me. I prefer it this way. What a reversal.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
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Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 67
It's easy to look for fault in other people -- that used to be my M.O. I would try to make myself feel better or more important or less intimidated by tearing down the other person. But that is such a downward spiral. The effects on my ego were short-lived and pretty soon, according to me, everything and everyone sucked. Guess what happens when you treat everything and everyone like crap? You reap what you sow.
Pretty soon the world didn't think so much of me either. My methods backfired and I copped a "me against the world" attitude. What I really wanted was to be accepted -- to be a part of something. What I chose was to be apart from everything. In that loneliness, it was easy to justify my drinking.
In recovery I can see how self-destructive I had become. I am a human being with many flaws and that's okay. But, it means that I've got enough to work on right here at home without needing to go outside of myself to take inventory of other people's issues. In A.A., I've been taught that the real way to feel better about myself is to help build up other poeple -- to help them through their tough times. I have something to offer and that's not something to brag about -- I'm there to serve with no expectations or demands. Today I am a part of something much bigger than me. I prefer it this way. What a reversal.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
Sunday, September 03, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Resentments
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness."
"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us."
"We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 66
The other day one of my colleagues at work called me on the telephone in a very confrontational and condescending manner. He had misinterpreted something he read and reacted inappropriately. Although I cleared up the misunderstanding, I stewed on it all day. I felt threatened and disrespected. I wished that I had told him off by calling him a f*&%ing blowhard and asking him who the heck he thinks he is. I thought that would have made me feel better.
Upon further reflection, I was glad I didn't. Although he was clearly in the wrong, I possibly could have avoided the whole incident by making my original communication clearer and therefore less likely to be misinterpreted. The other point to consider is that the situation ate me up all day -- I'm sure he didn't give it two minutes further consideration. And, had I pursued it further, who's to say it would have gone the way I imagined? I had allowed his actions to control my mood all day (and he never even knew that I had given him such power).
So, whom did my resentment hurt? Clearly it was me. In the past, I would have gotten even by getting drunk! How's that for rational thought?
It finally occurred to me that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools to effectively deal with this very type of situation. So, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and allowed myself to believe that he was having a really bad day. While it doesn't really excuse his behavior, it did divert it toward something other than me. I said a prayer for us both and let the anger go. I felt 100% better and the ability for us to have a positive working relationship in the future has been preserved.
This stuff works!
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us."
"We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 66
The other day one of my colleagues at work called me on the telephone in a very confrontational and condescending manner. He had misinterpreted something he read and reacted inappropriately. Although I cleared up the misunderstanding, I stewed on it all day. I felt threatened and disrespected. I wished that I had told him off by calling him a f*&%ing blowhard and asking him who the heck he thinks he is. I thought that would have made me feel better.
Upon further reflection, I was glad I didn't. Although he was clearly in the wrong, I possibly could have avoided the whole incident by making my original communication clearer and therefore less likely to be misinterpreted. The other point to consider is that the situation ate me up all day -- I'm sure he didn't give it two minutes further consideration. And, had I pursued it further, who's to say it would have gone the way I imagined? I had allowed his actions to control my mood all day (and he never even knew that I had given him such power).
So, whom did my resentment hurt? Clearly it was me. In the past, I would have gotten even by getting drunk! How's that for rational thought?
It finally occurred to me that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools to effectively deal with this very type of situation. So, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and allowed myself to believe that he was having a really bad day. While it doesn't really excuse his behavior, it did divert it toward something other than me. I said a prayer for us both and let the anger go. I felt 100% better and the ability for us to have a positive working relationship in the future has been preserved.
This stuff works!
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
Saturday, September 02, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Basic Tenets
"In most cases [while doing a 4th Step inventory] it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened."
"We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 65
Trust in God, Cleaning House, Love, and Service are the four basic tenets of this life-transforming program.
Our detailed self-assessment, called the 4th Step, is critical to our recovery and spiritual growth. It is the key that unlocks the barriers that stand in the way of growing closer to God who wants to have a personal relationship with us.
So, we should take our time and make certain nothing is left out. Omissions will only hurt us. It can be a painful process, but ultimately, we find it most liberating.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
"We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 65
Trust in God, Cleaning House, Love, and Service are the four basic tenets of this life-transforming program.
Our detailed self-assessment, called the 4th Step, is critical to our recovery and spiritual growth. It is the key that unlocks the barriers that stand in the way of growing closer to God who wants to have a personal relationship with us.
So, we should take our time and make certain nothing is left out. Omissions will only hurt us. It can be a painful process, but ultimately, we find it most liberating.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
Friday, September 01, 2006
A.A.: How It Works: Personal Housecleaning
"Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us."
"Therefore, we started on a personal inventory."
"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 64
By the time I got to the 4th Step, I had already read ahead and knew that the next step was to tell all the garbage of my life to another person -- and that terrified me. I was never one to confess my actions. My instincts were to lie, deny, and cover-up. But that was getting ahead of the process and besides, I certainly had a lot to write about. So, I took the challenge and began to list everyone I ever hurt and everyone I resented. I detailed all the things I had done for which I was ashamed.
It took me several days, but I got it all down. I tried my best to be honest and thorough. If I had held on to any doubt prior to this Step, it was then abundantly clear that alcohol had taken control of my life. I felt regret over the pain that I had caused so many people and at the same time I was happier than I had been in a long time. The process gave me hope that I would finally deal with the secrets that had kept me drinking for years.
It's a good idea to have a sponsor or, at least, a good 4th Step guide to help lay out a plan to take personal inventory, especially the first time.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
"Therefore, we started on a personal inventory."
"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."
Alcoholics Anonymous
How It Works
Page 64
By the time I got to the 4th Step, I had already read ahead and knew that the next step was to tell all the garbage of my life to another person -- and that terrified me. I was never one to confess my actions. My instincts were to lie, deny, and cover-up. But that was getting ahead of the process and besides, I certainly had a lot to write about. So, I took the challenge and began to list everyone I ever hurt and everyone I resented. I detailed all the things I had done for which I was ashamed.
It took me several days, but I got it all down. I tried my best to be honest and thorough. If I had held on to any doubt prior to this Step, it was then abundantly clear that alcohol had taken control of my life. I felt regret over the pain that I had caused so many people and at the same time I was happier than I had been in a long time. The process gave me hope that I would finally deal with the secrets that had kept me drinking for years.
It's a good idea to have a sponsor or, at least, a good 4th Step guide to help lay out a plan to take personal inventory, especially the first time.
A great companion book for 4th Step preparation:
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
AA Services
aa addiction alcoholism recovery sponsornet substance abuse
